I just finished reading "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. The 7 habits can be summed up in two actions, keep your word, and include the people in your life so you can live a meaningful life. He emphasizes trust. To foster it, you have to make yourself proactive, focus on your ultimate goal, and organize your schedule to accomplish the value principles you hold dear. But the schedule should be flexible so that independence can be transformed into interdependence, because we live in a society that needs to cooperate with people that surround us. It makes sense, you should appreciate those who are the same and those who are different. I guess the difficulty I find is that some people make it an effort to persuade you that their position is right, some people talk for the sake of talking, and it's draining. I advocate surrounding yourself with a positive group that make you better. It's a personal challenge to tolerate the idiosyncracies of assholes. But that's why its important to focus on self and not get sucked into the influence of a group, but cooperate with a group to develop synergy. Alot of what I read is common sense, but it instills meaning to personal choices I make on a daily basis, and each decision counts. All these books also have the disclaimer, "these are not manipulative tools, you should use them out of sincerity". True.

More CEOs should read books.

A Day with Jeremy

A pleasant wind from Hangzhou brought a familiar face to Beijing, JEREMY, our Residential Director from the CET program. He visited Caoyin and I at Jiang Ma Ma's restaurant. He said absolutely loved the pho, which I was glad because he lived so far away from the Chaoyang District. As a guest in our city, he even paid the whole bill. Then we went to Qi Jiuba, which I thought was actually a jiuba (bar), but it was the Art District of Beijing. Then we took photos together. At the end, he took us to a coffee shop and bought us smoothies. Actually, at the very end, he accompanied us to the bus to go back to our universities.

I love Jeremy! I haven't had a memorable day in a long time. Was it because he spoke Chinese the whole time? Was it because he kept texting us every five minutes with absolutely hilarious commentary about his misadventures? Was it the topics we talked about? Was it because he paid the bill? Was it because his coming required alot of other small things we had to do? Yeah it was everything.

A topic we spoke about briefly is dating and marrying outside your race. Jeremy's wife is Chinese, so essentially his kids are adorable. He said, even if the guy is ugly, in this case, the caucasian chinese mix will guarantee cute kids. He also never relied on his wife to learn chinese, because that was their agreement before their marriage. He did it on his own, which I fully respect. Before this, or before China, I had this internal bias that I would never date or marry outside my race. Why? Because I was never attracted to, interested in, or curious about other people. That was just my philosophy of life. Then I went to Hangzhou. Wo de sixiang gaibian. Na bufen was probably a bad thing, but you gotta take the good and the bad, and you can't regret your choices. Anyway, who knows maybe I'll date someone older than me who is outside my race. He also gave us advice about choosing the right chinese programs and improving our chinese. It was quick, and avoided all the frustrating "meiyoubanfa" answers.

Jeremy's chinese is superb. Caoyin and I just love listening to him talk because we haven't heard a good chinese speaker in a long time. He's also really funny. We just kept laughing about everything. It was completely irrational and I wasn't even intoxicated. I've actually never been intoxicated. Anyway, the smoothies covering our financial expenditures made each moment enjoyable without any fan nao. It also gave me an excuse to call Jonathan and Steven about tongxinlian and Jeremy's dianhuahaoma.

Sometimes I like being in control of my day, but when good people come, I can't help but have a good time. We need more Jeremy's in this world. It's even better because he came when we least expected it. It's refreshing.

Gaginang

Mike and I had an interesting conversation about Christianity a couple of days ago. One thing that struck me was how faith is a major driving force in what he does in his life, specifically in Gaginang's growth. I am not a Christian, but Nancy is, which made even more eager to ask the question, "why"? He said God loves you for you, regardless of your flaws or your mistakes. By meeting other people in the organization, he has created life changing experiences and memorable relationships. To some it's hard work, to him it's a calling. Mike is my role model. I love Gaginang because I am energized by his passion. But I felt like I wasn't apart of his world. Then I read Donald Trump's "How to Get Rich". Strange how I learn psychology by studying those who are successful businessmen. But they started out like you and me, and it was definitely their thought process that has gotten them to where they are today. Donald says when he plays golf, he notices that when people are close to getting the ball in the hole, they are paralyzed by negativity. But he says, "Faith can overcome the paralysis that fear brings with it". Faith changes a passive to an active reaction. That has huge implications. It's easy to fall into the habit of doing something passive because that sudden fear prevents you from taking risks. And life will never change unless you do something different. When I think of meeting people, I see it as a networking opportunity. That phrase itself seems superficial, so I don't actively seek relationships. But I think faith instills greater meaning in our lives, and is something I can learn from Mike. I may not be Christian, but his love through his faith inspires me to do the same. It is wonderful to feel like you are apart of something bigger. It's contagious.

Philly

"Cinnabons". That's Sina's nickname. Everytime I hear that, I think about passing by the Cinnabon in the Gallery, its warm gooey tempting piece of fat that makes me turn my head twice to find out "oh god where is that smell coming from"? Sina's from Philly. $.25 soft pretzels are from philly. The cheesesteak, Rita's water ice, Will Smith are all from Philadelphia. I realize when someone gets me going on the topic of my diqu, I am just full of pride. When I was playing Badminton, I ran into a first year student who was learning Italian as her second language. She told me that she's learning the language, but doesn't know anything about the Italian culture. I told her where I live, we are the culture. We have cannolis, spaghetti with meatballs, pizza, an Italian market, the mob, etc. Not only that, but I hear and see things that reminds me of "the city of brotherly love". For one, the gay population. Two, Jiang Ma Ma is opening a Philly Cheesesteak business at San Li Tun in the coming year. And Pao Bing is Rita's water ice, only cheaper and less tasty because it lacks the custard topping. If I say Will Smith, we are all going to burst into song from the Fresh Prince of Bell Air. Do I miss home? I don't think so, I enjoy the freedom and the autonomy of living by myself. But when I get back to America, I'm going to the Gallery to take a nice whiff of the Cinnabon scent.

The Power of Words / The Rich / My Goal

I went jogging this morning with Lennon, and I realize how miscommunication occurs when the right words aren't used. Yesterday he talked to Rick and I bumped into them in the middle of their conversation when he said, "Debbie is full of shit". Instead of storming out like a little girl like I used to, I told him to elaborate another time because I had a Kou Yu Presentation to prepare for right after class. Last night he texted me to go jogging, and I wasn't in the mood to go jogging with him because as much as I didn't want those words to bother me, it did that night. This morning, I asked him about it and he elaborated saying that the statements I make are interpreted differently by both of them. Fair enough, I said I was a Democrat but he claims that I am a Libertarian at heart. I really don't care about the labels but I don't want to label myself when I don't know what Libertarians believe in until I research it for myself. He also said that Rick and he interprets my statements differently, and that's where the contradiction lies. Rick gets me because he's alot older and mature and holds similar principles that I do, so I knew I had to clarify it to Lennon better. The point is, the reason why friendships can be harmed is from communicating with the wrong words. If he said that yesterday Debbie is a democrat but she holds libertarian points of views, our friendship would be better and we'd have longer conversations. I explained to him this morning that as much as I try to objective whenever possible, because I am a female, and I do get emotional, he has to know that full of shit can be interpreted as an attack on a person's character. How would you feel if someone said that about you? I also walked into a conversation hearing that about me and thought why am I a topic of debate? Why are you telling people I don't know who I am and what I believe in when I know I know myself? People tell me since I was a little kid, I don't get jokes or sarcasm, and until this day I'm ok with that, unless people use that to humiliate me. In short, if you want to maintain friendships, don't talk about the person, use the right words to clarify it's their point of views you don't understand.

He also said, "I'm sorry, I assumed you didn't care". According to Robert Kiyosaki assume is a killer word. If separated, it is "ass-u-me". A simple sorry would've made me feel alot better but because he doesn't take personal responsibility that it hurt my feelings, pleading ignorance as an excuse for making those statements, that is why people might not listen next time.

Two other things I notice that naturally make me zone people out is using big words and talking down to me. Because Lennon knows I am a business major, he would use economic principles that I've totally forgotten first year of college and not remind me what these principles say. I don't even think I cared about the name of the principle. Sometimes he throws words around and I don't know if he knows he's using it correctly or not. Then when I ask him to remind me he would say, you don't even know and you are from Wharton. At the end of the day, I am just like you, I need to be reminded so I understand the point you are trying to make. It is also humiliating if you can't treat me like everyone else. I've never said I knew everything. That is why I object to using labels. When you are labelled, there are general assumptions made by the other party that you know this. Some financial planners don't know what is the right investment choices you should make because he is trained to repeat the same salespitch and that is why you can be screwed at retirement. In sum, when you talk to people, use lamen's term. With imperfect information, you don't know who knows what, or maybe they just don't remember.

This is not a bash on Lennon's character. It is pointing out what people might want to know when they communicate with others. I don't represent everybody but I think people naturally feel this way. I am helping him improve his words, I think. I've never claimed to be a writer, but I am critical about the words I use to make sure you understand where I'm coming from. That's all.

Another thing that I paid attention to this morning was when Lennon said rich CEOs screw the poor. I said no, they have personal responsibility to the middle class and the poor. Robert Kiyosaki explains it succintly in the "Prophecy". The rich do this by contributing to charities and taking care of their employees and customers by upholding their credo. They first have personal responsibility to their mission, then their employees, and then to themselves. Corruption may exist but it can't exist in the long term, like Enron. Accountants, shareholders, and employees, will make sure of that. In our system of checks and balances, if you screw us, we screw you. It works vice versa. And if they keep all the money to themselves, how could they live with themselves knowing that they screwed their employee? Because at the end of the day we are all humans and not a statistic. We all have the same wants and needs. In fact, some people lose sight that we were once minimum wage employees. We live in a dog-eat-dog world, but you don't have to compromise your principles in order to advance in society. It is a system and we have the option of choosing not to play the game either. But financial education is necessary to understand that.

I got the question, "why do you want to be financially free?" I want to be financially free so I can enjoy life so I can have more time to spend with family and the people I care about. I also can't stand seeing my parents working each day earning the same wage knowing their lives will never change unless I do something about it. I also want to have time to learn and maintain my health. I write this so I don't lose sight in the future if I had to choose between working all my life vs. time with family and friends. Some people don't have a reason so when they do attain success they lose themselves and become miserable. Money is a perception but if you can make more you can invest in those things that you care about, enjoy, and love. And I think that is worth fighting for. If I remind myself this is my goal, I won't lose sight of why I do what I do everyday.

Rule of Reciprocity/Habit

Two days ago, when I was with Caoyin on the bus after a long day of shopping, she asked me, "Why don't you update your blog anymore?" I told her it is because I don't have a strong reason to update it. I used to update frequently because I didn't want to forget the good and the bad times. After a while, it became a habit to write an entry everyday. Then Steve commented that he couldn't believe I would update it so frequently, so I questioned this habit and realize all the things I remember are still in my noodle, and with each picture comes a little story I am willing to tell anyone who asks. I asked her why she asked. She says when she procrastinates she reads my blog, and now that I don't, she has nothing to read. That was cute. Caoyin you just gave me the reason to write. It's for you and it's for me.

I just finished "Retire Young, Retire Rich" by Robert T. Kiyosaki. He talks about giving before receiving. I remember that saying by Janet Hanson, the founder of 85Broads. It makes sense, by helping others they may help you in return. But I always wondered why. Yesterday I went to a club with CIEE people for Sina's birthday. When we were on the couch, Joby would put his hands up and groove to the music. Some people choose to groove with him, and others didn't. At first I only watched. But when I joined him in the festivities I had alot more fun, and everyone else started to do the same thing. It was contagious. I think that's why giving before receiving is so powerful. Once you start, you set an example for others to follow because its natural for humans to not do it unless they see someone else do it. And the more people you help, the better society becomes, and since now people have learned to be giving, it is easier to accept giving to others. It's not even that you are teaching this to one person, because once you start, everyone else will follow, because humans are all innately good people and they hold the same principle values. People only change when they are surrounded by bad people who can't control their cynicism or if they are immersed in a bad environment. Even if you don't receive the same value in return, I feel content knowing the world has gotten better because of my action.

I also learned the power of habit. In Hangzhou, we were on a 24/7 language pledge. Because everyone knew this was the standard, no one broke it unless there was no choice. Since we forced ourselves to change, we improved dramatically in five weeks. I have confidence in making mistakes and this attitude allows me to pay attention to correcting those mistakes. I can officially calculate that I was on a language pledge for a month. But the reason why this improvement breaks down without a language pledge is the moment you don't use it, the more mindlessly you use english and the more time you are cutting yourself off from improving. The surrounding people who use english will cause you to lose that time too. I can say that I've only used chinese a couple of hours a weeks in CIEE, and since humans only retain 20% of what they learn the next day, that lack of consistency will make me forget some of what I learn. But I realize it is also the attitude which I treat the situation. If I actively use the word for a couple of minutes, I don't forget it either because it becomes apart of my vocabulary. There is a difference between recognition and usage. In Beijing, my goal is to read more books and talk to the people in my program because once I start working, the time is hard to come by. People in this program are amazing. Justin is doing a documentary for NBC about his 365 day adventure in China, and it looks great. I want to make the most of my environment, and knowing that is my priority, it makes my days more meaningful.

I like feeling comfortable with making mistakes and learning from them. I've started to ask more questions about why people do things that don't make sense to me, so I can understand them better. When we went to Lush, I asked Jared why does he smoke. He said he doesn't smoke. Then he said he hasn't smoked for four months, and he only smokes one after he drinks. Later, he asks for another cigarette. I don't judge him, I just don't understand why he says things he doesn't actually do. And are you subconciously making it a habit of telling people one thing and doing another? The reason why habit is an interesting topic is because the author said that integrity is important and he would not hire a liar because once a liar is always a liar. People will lie occassionally. According to the book when we talk 20% of it is exaggerated while 80% of it is honest content . That exaggerated portion may actually become apart of you if you don't mindfully think about it. And since people are so busy, the more cynical they are, the more they are likely to undertake cynical actions and it becomes apart of their reality. In summary, if you say you will be successful, you will feel successful, you will subconsciously or mindfully find opportunities to be successful.

I am on a mission to learn about the world, and I think I found the answers in China. It's nice to read a book but only when I follow Ru Xiang Sui So (do what the romans do) do I actually use what I read and make it apart of my life. It sounds like I've been a busy camper but I find ways to organize my day to do everything I want to do in a very calm fashion. When I say I found my passion in China, it is because I am learning Chinese, learning business, asking questions, and it instills meaning in my life. I've been humiliated once for telling someone who doesn't believe I can have such ideas, but I can live knowing that I don't have to surround myself with those people. My books are my mentors, and the more I ask questions, the more I find people who hold the same values. I'm still searching for a human mentor, but I am in no rush because all the resources are on the internet, in information just as long as I keep curious. I also have a friend like Caoyin who motivates me to be better.

Thank you for making me a better person.

Henan / Doug's Birthday

I didn't expect to go to Henan this weekend. I ended up running into Nick after class who told me that he wanted me to go, so I did. Turns out, one of the participants got sick, so I took his seat. We went on hard sleepers so I went into three out of a dozen compartments to talk to people. Steven, Jessie, Eileen, Max, etc. are so funny, since a few of them are gay, and they just know how to have a good time. It was Peter's birthday, so that compartment had alot to drink. I like James Crosby for always trying to diffuse awkward situations since I was the only one not drunk. Actually Sina probably wasn't either. Talking to white Chris, asian Chris, James, Sherene, Billy (before he was asleep) was really cathartic because we never really talked before that and sleeper's high contributed or served an excuse for our honesty. We slept at 4:30 and I still woke up at 7 AM. Jogging in the morning helps me naturally wake up.

At Henan in Zhengzhou, I got a chance to talk to William. He is an English major with a dry sense of humor. People say that he's quiet, which is true, but he's more observant than people give him credit for. Since he sat next to me on the whole bus ride, I got a chance to tell him what has been on mind these past three weeks, and I really appreciated that genuinely listened to what I had to say. And he knew when to say insert his comments, which were sharp and clever. He reminds me alot of my sister, Linda, but he's alot more free spirited.

Zhengzhou was a mess. Not really a mess, I enjoyed it immensely, but our dao you was really shady. She acted alot younger than her age, which people tolerate in China, except the way she dressed and her makeup asked for attention. Apparently her second job is a matchmaker. Since that night at KTV and the coffeeshop was really messed up, I'll just tell you when I get back in the states.

Last night, Doug celebrated his birthday at Kro's Nest. I didn't go but I eventually heard about it at 12 AM last night when his body slammed at my door and I immediately woke up. When I opened the door, he was on the floor just laughing with Bennet and Aileen. We eventually got him up and he ran into his room. Jiuby on the other hand was really drunk and asked the taxi driver to bring him to Ximen which is silly because Youliao is 15 minutes away. He ended up sleeping at the Ximen gate so the police picked him up and drove him to Youliao with a smile on their face. Yup word travels fast in Youliao. But I love my hallmates because they are just true blue.