Rule of Reciprocity/Habit

Two days ago, when I was with Caoyin on the bus after a long day of shopping, she asked me, "Why don't you update your blog anymore?" I told her it is because I don't have a strong reason to update it. I used to update frequently because I didn't want to forget the good and the bad times. After a while, it became a habit to write an entry everyday. Then Steve commented that he couldn't believe I would update it so frequently, so I questioned this habit and realize all the things I remember are still in my noodle, and with each picture comes a little story I am willing to tell anyone who asks. I asked her why she asked. She says when she procrastinates she reads my blog, and now that I don't, she has nothing to read. That was cute. Caoyin you just gave me the reason to write. It's for you and it's for me.

I just finished "Retire Young, Retire Rich" by Robert T. Kiyosaki. He talks about giving before receiving. I remember that saying by Janet Hanson, the founder of 85Broads. It makes sense, by helping others they may help you in return. But I always wondered why. Yesterday I went to a club with CIEE people for Sina's birthday. When we were on the couch, Joby would put his hands up and groove to the music. Some people choose to groove with him, and others didn't. At first I only watched. But when I joined him in the festivities I had alot more fun, and everyone else started to do the same thing. It was contagious. I think that's why giving before receiving is so powerful. Once you start, you set an example for others to follow because its natural for humans to not do it unless they see someone else do it. And the more people you help, the better society becomes, and since now people have learned to be giving, it is easier to accept giving to others. It's not even that you are teaching this to one person, because once you start, everyone else will follow, because humans are all innately good people and they hold the same principle values. People only change when they are surrounded by bad people who can't control their cynicism or if they are immersed in a bad environment. Even if you don't receive the same value in return, I feel content knowing the world has gotten better because of my action.

I also learned the power of habit. In Hangzhou, we were on a 24/7 language pledge. Because everyone knew this was the standard, no one broke it unless there was no choice. Since we forced ourselves to change, we improved dramatically in five weeks. I have confidence in making mistakes and this attitude allows me to pay attention to correcting those mistakes. I can officially calculate that I was on a language pledge for a month. But the reason why this improvement breaks down without a language pledge is the moment you don't use it, the more mindlessly you use english and the more time you are cutting yourself off from improving. The surrounding people who use english will cause you to lose that time too. I can say that I've only used chinese a couple of hours a weeks in CIEE, and since humans only retain 20% of what they learn the next day, that lack of consistency will make me forget some of what I learn. But I realize it is also the attitude which I treat the situation. If I actively use the word for a couple of minutes, I don't forget it either because it becomes apart of my vocabulary. There is a difference between recognition and usage. In Beijing, my goal is to read more books and talk to the people in my program because once I start working, the time is hard to come by. People in this program are amazing. Justin is doing a documentary for NBC about his 365 day adventure in China, and it looks great. I want to make the most of my environment, and knowing that is my priority, it makes my days more meaningful.

I like feeling comfortable with making mistakes and learning from them. I've started to ask more questions about why people do things that don't make sense to me, so I can understand them better. When we went to Lush, I asked Jared why does he smoke. He said he doesn't smoke. Then he said he hasn't smoked for four months, and he only smokes one after he drinks. Later, he asks for another cigarette. I don't judge him, I just don't understand why he says things he doesn't actually do. And are you subconciously making it a habit of telling people one thing and doing another? The reason why habit is an interesting topic is because the author said that integrity is important and he would not hire a liar because once a liar is always a liar. People will lie occassionally. According to the book when we talk 20% of it is exaggerated while 80% of it is honest content . That exaggerated portion may actually become apart of you if you don't mindfully think about it. And since people are so busy, the more cynical they are, the more they are likely to undertake cynical actions and it becomes apart of their reality. In summary, if you say you will be successful, you will feel successful, you will subconsciously or mindfully find opportunities to be successful.

I am on a mission to learn about the world, and I think I found the answers in China. It's nice to read a book but only when I follow Ru Xiang Sui So (do what the romans do) do I actually use what I read and make it apart of my life. It sounds like I've been a busy camper but I find ways to organize my day to do everything I want to do in a very calm fashion. When I say I found my passion in China, it is because I am learning Chinese, learning business, asking questions, and it instills meaning in my life. I've been humiliated once for telling someone who doesn't believe I can have such ideas, but I can live knowing that I don't have to surround myself with those people. My books are my mentors, and the more I ask questions, the more I find people who hold the same values. I'm still searching for a human mentor, but I am in no rush because all the resources are on the internet, in information just as long as I keep curious. I also have a friend like Caoyin who motivates me to be better.

Thank you for making me a better person.