Back from Xi Dan

I know I've told people that I hate when people right about every little detail that happens in their day, but when I have alot of time to think to myself, that's what I end up doing. And you know what, I'm ok with that. I'll be hypocritical for now.

My plan today was to hit three of the major markets to go shopping before school starts: Xi Dan, Dong Si Shi Tiao, and the one across from the Dong Wu Yuan. The problem was I forgot the subway stop to the Dong Wu Yuan, eliminating one of them (the other two are subway stops). I think Steven brought me to Xi Dan's bookstore last week but I had trouble locating it, so I sui bian walked. It was really a blur because I didn't have Jenn, Ling, or Geraldine to make random comments about the clothes. Anyway, I bought tons of gifts for people, about 10 rmb for each. It might sound cheap, but bestowing a gift means alot to the dui fang. I remember yesterday when Jenn got a gift from Liu Jin, her face brightened up instantly. It's like what the main character from Hotel Rwanda said about the Carribean cigars (best movie I've seen in China). It is offering an experience and it isn't about the money. Also, these gifts are really expensive in the states. God, what a high markup.

I took sticker pictures today at Xi Dan because it reminded me of the time Thao and I went shopping in Hangzhou. We spent hours at the sticker picture booth, and although it was the cheapest expenditure we made that day, it was the most memorable. In fact, I still keep her picture and my picture on my keychain. The problem is it isn't the same when I have a picture of just myself because a sticker picture is meant to have at least two people, unless you are vain (ok we have a little vanity in all of us). When I look at my new pictures, there is a gap for another face to fill. I just felt alittle gu du today. I wonder if she's still on the Silk Road with her Bei Wai friends. Then again I feel very enervated suo yi wo mei you li qi zuo gong gong qi che qu kan ta.

Making alot of decisions on this trip has made me realized how I worry about making the right decision. It can be as easy as choosing left and right on the subway stop. I realize that even if I choose something that turns out to be worse than what I expected, I still have the opportunity to go the other way. I can't stand indecisive people, but I also can't stand people who make it seem like I don't have a choice in the matter. I like independence from a group, even if it means sometimes the only person I am talking to is myself.

Today I had a 5 minipancakes sandwiches snack with the following toppings respectively: chocolate, mango, strawberry, blueberry, and hongdou. I realize the reason why I bought it was because I saw hongdou even when I wasn't hungry. In fact, everything I bought today, from the bao zis, mantou, cake, congee, and this are all because they are comfort food. I also realize that I can eat practically the same thing everyday. Maybe I'll grow up to be an accountant because I find comfort in habit.

While I was bargaining for my gym shirt today, I said 15 kuai and the lao ban said ok. I said I wanted a sleaveless shirt for 20 kuai, she said if I buy both, then she'll charge me 40 kuai. That's less than 6 bucks in the US. There are two things weird about this situation, one the lao ban didn't complain AT ALL, and two she seemed to be really satisfied with the deal. I really wonder how low I could have gone with the price and how good of a quality the two shirts I purchased are. I thought I got the better end of the deal, but now I think she got the better end, which for some reason makes me feel cheated on.

No lao ban today asked me if I was from Korea. I think my chinese is improving! The only problem today was I took a picture at the store and a lady said that there are no pictures allowed. I was going to be kicked out, but when I said I was from America, the lady backed off. I don't exactly know what to make of the situation, but I'm glad she didn't confiscate my camera because its expensive and some footages are just amazing.

The guy next to me at the wang ba asked me if I was using the cigarette butt tray. I obviously said no, and he just blew smoke in my face. If I didn't have self control and if I wasn't me and if there were no laws in this society about beating people, I'd beat the crap out of him. Steven said its because I'm a northerner. I know I won't die directly from this cause but for peat's sake, the wang ba says NO SMOKING! and I think I have the right in this country to not inhale smoke without leaving my designated computer, right?? Ok I remember, I'm in China, and the government's fu bai, I'll leave after I write everything down. It is only 2 rmb after all (less than 33 cents an hour).

I started thinking about Jenn leaving to Lyon and thought about our conversation on the train and at xi hu. I tend to avoid situations when I don't really know how to solve the problem. She said something along the lines of maybe I should solve the problem, and I said well my approach is one of the Freudian defense mechanisms so its ok. Like it doesn't bother me when I choose to go around something instead of through it. But maybe if I think alittle bit more about solving a problem differently, then it wouldn't bother me so much when I think about it. She also said its ok to be sensitive and not get sarcasm, cuz its who I am, and I don't have to change who I am. I like that my friends accept me for me. But I also think humans can change to fit into their environment. I also like living in the present and not worrying about my future. Cuz whatever I choose to do, by all this experience, I'll have a better idea of what's a good fit for me.

Privatize or not to privatize this post, I'll figure it out later. Why do we privatize? What do we have to hide? But why do we choose to let people know our opinions? I bet Nghiep would have an explanation, but in essence I do it because I don't want to forget what makes each day memorable and I tend to lose journals because I am very hun luan. The worst case scenario is if it affects my relationships with other people. But then again, the most important relationship to me is with my family (again a hotel rwanda reference), so I think the benefits outweighs the cost.

Xi Dan was cool, but I have no energy for Dong Si Shi Tiao.