85 Broads Tragedy

Last summer, I met the most amazing woman, Janet Hanson, Goldman Sachs retiree who founded 85 Broads, a co-mentorship network. The way she impacted my life was she inspired me to read about the world, to be motivated, to be prepared, and to the follow goals that I held dear. She taught me to value my greatest asset, time. Most importantly, she taught me to give. Her husband told us that passion and preparation were the keys to happiness, and how right he was. Without her, I wouldn't have decided to follow my gut to go to China even if Tim changed his mind. I met Rick, William, Billy, Bennet, Justin, Doug, so many people with great personalties that have taught me more about life. I wouldn't have read so many books in one semester. I also learned to love mentoring people. Billy said to me, There are three kinds of people you need in this world: a mentor, a friend, and a mentee. I used to wonder why a mentee. But I realize I like to talk about my experiences and hope people learn from my mistakes. Today I received a letter and I couldn't help but cry.

December 07, 2007

Dear Friends,

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002, I sent an email out to the women in the 85 Broads network urging them to get mammograms and sonograms to detect BC, regardless of their age or family history.

I am writing to you today to tell you about my marriage of 19 years to the most wonderful guy on the planet, Jeff Hanson. Jeff and I were married in 1988 and we were blessed with two spectacular children, Meredith, who is now 19, and Christopher, who will be 17 next week.

There are literally thousands of women in 85 Broads who know Jeff as he attended almost every one of our events and from day one, dedicated himself to our mission "to help thousands of women around the globe define success on their own terms." Many of the women whose stories appear in "More Than 85 Broads" were interviewed by Jeff. What many people don't know is that it was Jeff who "ghost wrote" the introductions to all the chapters in the book As I said in the preface of the book, he was, and always will be, my hero. He was smart and funny and generous and as so many of you know, we were inseparable.

After I was operated on for breast cancer, I was told that it would be a wise decision to have my ovaries removed because of the "type" of breast cancer I had. That operation took place less than two months after I had a bilateral mastectomy. When you have your ovaries removed pre-menopausely you are thrown into what is known in the trade as "traumatic menopause." It means your system goes haywire as your body no longer produces estrogen.

Here is where this story takes a tragic turn: throughout my entire life I always felt extremely blessed to have an "upbeat" personality... a vigor that defied my age... to always be excited about everything. I never suspected that my "zest for life" was an illness. Over the years, it was not unusual for my friends to say "Janet, how can you possibly do so many different things at once?!" And I always laughed and thought it was because I had an entrepreneurial spirit and a passion to accomplish bigger and bigger goals in my life.

There are two types of bipolar disease. Bipolar I is extremely easy to diagnose as the individual is clearly and literally out of control. What I have only recently learned is that I suffer from Bipolar II which involves milder episodes of hypomania (one's mood is "elevated" for several days or weeks and doesn't cause any functional "impairment." ) These elevated moods alternate with feeling a little out of sorts, or "blue."

Typically, a Bipolar II sufferer fails to identify their days or weeks of hypomania as anything abnormal. In fact, they often believe that these periods are what makes their lives so fabulous! Dr. Daniel Lieberman: "People with Bipolar II value their hypomanic episodes highly, so it is imperative that physicians don't misdiagnose the illness and prescribe THE WRONG MEDICATION."

And sadly, that is what happened to me. After my body stopped producing estrogen, I went into a fog of bleak depression. My doctor treated my feelings of extreme sadness with anti-depressant medication. Only recently have many in the medical community come to realize that giving anti-depressant medication to someone who suffers (undiagnosed) from Bipolar II can do grievous harm as the effects of the medication cause a dramatic increase in "cycling" -- aka one's mood swings become more and more extreme.

And that's when the wheels came completely off the cart as the combination of anger and sadness that I was experiencing was terrifying. To make matters even worse, the anti-depressant I was taking caused rapid weight gain - in one year I gained over 30 pounds.

And virtually no one, not even close friends and family, knew what was going on. In the 3 years that followed, Jeff and I wrote and edited the book, I went to work for Lehman Brothers and Jeff took a full-time consulting job at C-Bass. I tried harder and harder to stay focused on our two wonderful children who were happily entering their teens.

Then something else started to happen... it became painfully obvious that I had "memory issues." I was always able to find my car keys but I started to repeat myself, often several times in the same hour. At first Jeff and Mer and Criff thought it was pretty funny, but as I became angry and frightened, they started to feel scared and sorry for me. And so in 2006, I added another prescription to my list- I was given Provigil to help me "focus." This was on top of sleeping medication that I took to alleviate insomnia and night sweats. I was now on a full-blown "medication roller coaster."

By the summer of 2006, Jeff had had enough. I had changed so dramatically that he was watching his own quality of life disappear. We had bought a little lake house not far from our home in Bedford and one day, Jeff moved out. I started "mood cycling" faster and faster as I couldn't make sense of what was happening. One day I would be the "nice Janet" and the next day I would be the "abusive Janet." Sometimes I would be both in the same day. Jeff had been the best husband, the best dad, the best partner any person on the entire planet could ever have, but he had had enough.

What would have made this terrible tragedy preventable is that we NEEDED HELP AS A FAMILY. Dr. Galynker, a leading expert in treating Bipolar II, was quoted in an article a month ago in the NY Times - he said: "A third of all spouses of patients with bipolar illness develop serious depression and anxiety themselves and that in turn affects the patient who is in need of a healthy caregiver."

What we didn't realize was that we were in the perfect storm. Everything that could go wrong did. I was misdiagnosed and was put on medication that exacerbated my mood swings-- I learned ONLY YESTERDAY that as a person who suffers from Bipolar II, I needed MOOD STABALIZERS, NOT ANTI-DEPRESSANTS.

I know you are all hoping that this story has a happy ending but that is what is so terribly sad. After a year of trying to figure out which end was up, Jeff asked for a legal separation and is now in a new relationship with a wonderful former girlfriend from his college days. I know they will have a great and happy life together.

As excruciatingly painful as it is for me to write this, if my story gives you insight and allows you to help someone you know and love who might have this illness then I will believe with all my heart that this network is a "safety net" too. Bipolar II is extremely difficult to diagnose and the wrong diagnosis can lead to the wrong medication which can spell disaster. Many of you no doubt wondered how it was possible that I never seemed to come up for air, that I always had my foot on the gas, that I had ten new great ideas at once, that I was always on a mission to save somebody or something.. I had the best life of anyone I know but I should have been smarter -- it's not possible to run an asset management company, a global network of thousands of women, a dedicated team of over a dozen professionals, work on Wall Street, and take care of two kids ALL AT THE SAME TIME. If I hadn't had cancer, if I hadn't had my ovaries removed, if I hadn't subsequently fallen into a black hole of depression and mistakenly been given the wrong medication which exacerbated an undiagnosed illness, I truly believe that Jeff Hanson would still be here today. I know we would have had a long and wonderful life together. I am grateful for the life we had and for our two beautiful children who are, and always will be, my rocks.

Thanks for listening.
Janet

I wanted to do something for her, so the only way I think I can is to let people know about her condition. What touches me most is her candid nature. I absolutely love Janet, and I only wish the best for her.

Last Days and cultural encounters

Today was the last for many things. In our Hanyu Class (for Chinese Grammar), instead of focusing on the quiz, we were preparing for our Wednesday party, since JiaMin and I are leaving next Sunday. I organized the list of who should bring what, which is interesting because my vocabulary for foods and utensils has gotten very flowery. It should've ended happily though, but my teacher started crying during break. Recently the guys in my class have been insensitive by talking about guy things. The problem is my Hanyu teacher laughs after everything so sometimes it is mistaken as a positive reinforcement. She said of all her classes, ours is the most difficult to handle. I think its because when she initiates discussions, things get out of control, so we saw it coming. We're buying her flowers. So yay, party and something to cheer her up.

In our Kouyu class, my teacher (a different one) was late. She was sweating, and tissue paper was in her hair. She said things were very lang3bei4, which means embarassing. Again, a guy said she must've been to propoganda, a night club. Female teachers in China tend to laugh it off, but I think it really gets to them when guys tease them in class. She handled it like a pro, and got on with her lesson.

In my business class, Doug initiated a discussion on the Favored Nations issue in the early 1990s by Bill Clinton. He asked would we support China economically even if they don't favor human rights. We all said yes, so there was no debate. But it led my teacher to talk about how it doesn't matter if China is communism or capitalistic, as long as it achieves economic development (black cat white cat), we should not continue to criticize their system. Then she asked the question, why are Americans trying to play teacher all the time. Damion said China is no angel. Magel said China is no devil either. Then Cortland asked why is China trying to be friends all the time, why are they promoting united peace, because if China was the superpower in the world, they would be flaunting it in US faces too. Then Magel said its not being friendly, its apart of Global Corporate Responsibility, that's what we have to do ethically to get things done. Then Gao Lao Shi argued that human rights might not be an issue in China, and it works without having freedom of speech, religion, demonstration, otherwise it would lead to events like the killing of 800 students at TianAnMen in 1989. Then Rick pulled out the argument that the reason why we fear this is although Mao was yesterday's leader, Jiang ZeMin/Hu Jin Tao/Wen JiaBao is today's leader, the next leader can completely change the stability of the government. Sure Mao is no longer in power, but without human rights and the system of checks and balances, with their promotion of unity and one voice, what we fear the most is Chinese people will always follow their leader, which with a corrupt government is 100% of a risk to the rest of the world. I just got out of class so this paragraph came out unclear. It makes me think though---That is the main reason we don't want communism in China. Being Chinese with parents who fled from a communist regime in Cambodia, it leads me to be biased and torn at the same time. I feel sympathetic that other countries don't support China because they follow a communistic structure, which according to my teacher is really a fusion of Gorbachov and the US system, capitalistic with Chinese characteristics. So apart of me says, US stop playing bully. But Mao killed alot of intellectuals, and I don't like when my teachers tell me how amazing Mao Zedong is. In Cambodia, people were educated with Chinese History and with communist books, which influenced Pol Pot, which is why my family was affected, why their friends were affected. So another part of me says, China don't get yourself into trouble again, we know what we're talking about. But I don't know, history doesn't necessarily repeat itself, does it? I remember talking to Ling about it earlier this semester and she said the US should focus on solve their own education problems first before they start criticizing other countries. It's true, we can't fix things that aren't in our control so we might as focus on ourselves for now. I guess I'm tired of thinking so much, I'm ready to go home and embrace my family with open arms (figuratively, because we don't need to hug to show we love each other). =)

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"

I just finished the book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". For those who say they misunderstand the opposite sex, this is a must read! Wow I never realized how different sexes misunderstand each other because of biological reasons which result in communication problems. I've noticed when I talk about my day to certain guys, they try to find a solution to my problem when all I want is for them to listen and empathize. It may sound irrational, but all I want is for them to say oh wow that sucks or have comforting words. Not try to fix a problem. And I notice that some guys don't really say anything. It's not even a sign of indifference, and its better just not to ask any more questions. The book also pointed out that we need to ask guys what we want. It reminded me of the first year of college when my roommate kept on asking her boyfriend for stuff and I thought she was overstepping her boundaries and using him was a bad thing. But apparently its a sign of love. We can expect him not to know and just say it to the point and directly. But all in all, everyone needs love. We just just fueled by it in different ways.

I like spending time with William. It's because I can be me. He also listens. We also enjoy life. The more I think about it, the more I realize that you can be hurt a bazillion times and still live through it. So just act on it, and after that vulnerable feeling goes away, it feels empowering.

My Good Luck Charm

I had the best four days I've had in a long time. It's all because of my bike. Seriously, just riding it around gets me to see people who also ride around, and I've had lunches and dinners with random people.

First off, the day I got my bike (Saturday), I rode it to the foodrepublic at ZhongguanCunPlaza. While there, I had the BEST chicken curry dish in a long time at the foodrepublic. Plus the Food Republic is essentially a health zone, emphazing fruits and eating right. I had an energizing smoothie for about$1. Then, I went to a coffee shop to read a book and have redbean with ice. It was fantastic. Right before I left the store, I heard an up and coming singer promoting her album. She looked like most girls in Beijing (very beautiful and young) wearing jeans and a nice top, but most of all, she had an amazing voice and it radiated within the plaza. I think she won some Chinese idol competition. I could be so wrong, but I'm glad I got to see someone who will be very famous in the not too distant future.

Then on Sunday, I rode my bike because I had to stop studying, and fortunately I met two of my favorite down to earth friends in the program, Bennet and Billy. Then we went to the Medicine House to eat some black chicken soup, kungpao chicken, and tomato and eggs. I thought it was nice, because it was a comfortable atmosphere and I had good company.

Then, when I went onto the elevator to bring my bike back to my room, I ran into William and Lydia. William, I haven't seen since Nanjing. Before Nanjing, I hadn't seen him since Zhengzhou. I figured it was time to have a nice chat. It was probably the best decision I've made. We talked until 3 AM about Buddhism and just enjoying life. Hen fang song!

Then William and I decided the next day to take the train to Chaoyang District. We stumbled onto the Pink line (THE NEW LINE), and it was just as amazing as Nanjing's, BUT even cleaner. We wanted to go to Maggie's, a foreigner's place. But when we got there, the guard asked me if I was really a foreigner. Then I spoke English, but he wasn't convinced. So we couldn't go in. Then William tells me that in the book he read, Chinese people are discriminated upon entering. Talk about feeling rejected. When we talked to the taxi driver, he even told us that if I wasn't there, William could've entered. He also said it was a whorehouse and most of the time only guys go there. *.* Then we went to Sanlitun to check out people, just a fun activity. But there was no one there on a Monday night. So we went to Houhai. It was so romantic. After walking into bars and being chased by a girl who tried to sell William flowers, we went back to Sanlitun for pizza, sandwiches, and carbonated drinks. I don't eat at12 at night ever. But since he paid an arm and a leg, I just broke a habit. No problem, it is just one day of my life, it was fun.

Today while I was riding my bike after studying, I stumbled onto Henry, our favorite KouYu comedian. He said he had tickets to CCTV, so I skipped one class to go. Since the media is controlled by the government, so I wanted to see how shady this was. IT WAS SHADY. We looked outside the location and it looked like a run down factory. Then you go inside and it looks like the SNL set in New York City, boundless technology. It was so fake though, because they said it was live on camera. And then, they made several cuts everytime the host would sweat or stumble on his words. The contestants were planted in the audience, although they looked randomly selected. And if the audience did something stupid, we'd have to work on our behavior. Talk about control. We left at some point. Before we left the factory, we watched another program being taped with a 5 guy boy band promoting their album on a TV show, like Regis and Kelly. Only the guy was Chinese, and the girl was Russian (SHE SPOKE PERFECT CHINESE and Henry called her a milf). The girl said something wrong, so they cut it, and the boy band reperformed their routine. I enjoyed watching them, but I'm disappointed that a live show was redone, and it loses the personality of the hosts. They're like robots.

Then, the other Henry who drove us there talked about how Beida was government patrolled. I never realized this until now. THERE are alot of government cars and officials on campus. Why wouldn't there be? Beida students participated in the mishap at TianAnMen and caused alot of riots in Chinese Modern History and the government needs to control that or else more people could die. We passed by the Marco Polo Bridge, where the Japanese invaded and killed Chinese people. It gets CHILLING when you live in Beida and drive through places where alot of killings took place. Henry also said his mom's friend lived in Beijing 20 years ago, and the biggest road we drove on (ZHONG GUAN CUN) used to be farmland. It's changed alot. Older people have no idea where they are in this perserved but quickly developing city.

Oh, at CCTV, I was with two Henry's and a different William that plays Badminton from Canada. When we got back to campus, William from Canada rode my bike and I thought he was so disproportional because of his height, like Nick's situation. After all, my bike's wheels are awfully small, but adorable. I played Badminton with him. I loved listening to his smashes. It sounds like Janiene's, only that because his arms are so long, he didn't have to jump or move far to control the net. I WATCHED IN AWE! I saw quite a few amazing players tonight, and they play it like the book. They hit it at the sweet spot, kept clearing, and stayed on their feet. It brought back memories of high school, only they played at a level I've only seen on TV. I totally respect that, except when I wanted to join the club, they said because my experience is not enough, they don't want me to be apart of it. That's ASHAME! These are world class players, and four years of high school Badminton isn't even enough to enter the club, not the team.

But anyway, my bike has brought me good luck for the past three days. I recommend getting a bike because I've seen so much more, eaten so much better food, and I come across incredible people. I've only had my bike for five days. Whoever told me its too late to buy a bike clearly doesn't have one.

This Weekend

I started thinking about how I only have a month and a half left. This is essentially what occurred this weekend.

1. I got hit by a bus.
2. Got a milkshake from McDonalds.
3. I bought a bike.
4. I went to club Taku.
5. found books for Wharton for $20.

Yeah, so I didn't want to walk to WuDaoKou, so I hopped behind Bennett's motorbike. We tried to squeeze in between a bus and we didn't make it. He fell when his seat flew off, I fell when my face slid on the slide of the bus. It happened in a matter of seconds. We weren't hurt. But we could have been. I'm shaken, but on the upside, we are alive AND in one peace.

When I made it to Wudaokou, I saw that McD was opened. It reminded me of the time when I missed the train to Shanghai over the summer with Ling, Jenn, and Geraldine. So Siwen brought me to McD and I had my first milkshake at McDonalds. I've always been against fast food restaurants, but that night I made an exception.

Yesterday, Nick and I talked about buying those bikes with small wheels. He looked so cute because he's so tall and the bike is so small. We bought two matching ones today so we can ride to class as a pair. I rode all over Beida today. It was worth it, because I realized I know nothing about my campus.

Nick, Ben, and I went to Taku for Ben's birthday. While there, an Argentinian girl picked up my phone number and asked me to dance with her again. She was nice. Then I danced with a Spanish guy, which Ben agrees was really cute.

We went to the bookstore and I found that so many books I paid an arm and a leg for in college are worth $20 here. better load up! Let me know if you guys need any.

It's been exhiliarating, and its only Saturday.

Memoirs

CIEE has notified us that a magazine is seeking submissions from students who study abroad in China to write about their experience in order to promote studying abroad. I like that. It gives me a reason to start on my memoirs because I didn't have an incentive before and this blog has become more of my daily occurances unrelated to China. If I get published, great. If I don't, at least I have something I can take back home and read to my kids someday.

Win-win.

I just finished reading "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey. The 7 habits can be summed up in two actions, keep your word, and include the people in your life so you can live a meaningful life. He emphasizes trust. To foster it, you have to make yourself proactive, focus on your ultimate goal, and organize your schedule to accomplish the value principles you hold dear. But the schedule should be flexible so that independence can be transformed into interdependence, because we live in a society that needs to cooperate with people that surround us. It makes sense, you should appreciate those who are the same and those who are different. I guess the difficulty I find is that some people make it an effort to persuade you that their position is right, some people talk for the sake of talking, and it's draining. I advocate surrounding yourself with a positive group that make you better. It's a personal challenge to tolerate the idiosyncracies of assholes. But that's why its important to focus on self and not get sucked into the influence of a group, but cooperate with a group to develop synergy. Alot of what I read is common sense, but it instills meaning to personal choices I make on a daily basis, and each decision counts. All these books also have the disclaimer, "these are not manipulative tools, you should use them out of sincerity". True.

More CEOs should read books.

A Day with Jeremy

A pleasant wind from Hangzhou brought a familiar face to Beijing, JEREMY, our Residential Director from the CET program. He visited Caoyin and I at Jiang Ma Ma's restaurant. He said absolutely loved the pho, which I was glad because he lived so far away from the Chaoyang District. As a guest in our city, he even paid the whole bill. Then we went to Qi Jiuba, which I thought was actually a jiuba (bar), but it was the Art District of Beijing. Then we took photos together. At the end, he took us to a coffee shop and bought us smoothies. Actually, at the very end, he accompanied us to the bus to go back to our universities.

I love Jeremy! I haven't had a memorable day in a long time. Was it because he spoke Chinese the whole time? Was it because he kept texting us every five minutes with absolutely hilarious commentary about his misadventures? Was it the topics we talked about? Was it because he paid the bill? Was it because his coming required alot of other small things we had to do? Yeah it was everything.

A topic we spoke about briefly is dating and marrying outside your race. Jeremy's wife is Chinese, so essentially his kids are adorable. He said, even if the guy is ugly, in this case, the caucasian chinese mix will guarantee cute kids. He also never relied on his wife to learn chinese, because that was their agreement before their marriage. He did it on his own, which I fully respect. Before this, or before China, I had this internal bias that I would never date or marry outside my race. Why? Because I was never attracted to, interested in, or curious about other people. That was just my philosophy of life. Then I went to Hangzhou. Wo de sixiang gaibian. Na bufen was probably a bad thing, but you gotta take the good and the bad, and you can't regret your choices. Anyway, who knows maybe I'll date someone older than me who is outside my race. He also gave us advice about choosing the right chinese programs and improving our chinese. It was quick, and avoided all the frustrating "meiyoubanfa" answers.

Jeremy's chinese is superb. Caoyin and I just love listening to him talk because we haven't heard a good chinese speaker in a long time. He's also really funny. We just kept laughing about everything. It was completely irrational and I wasn't even intoxicated. I've actually never been intoxicated. Anyway, the smoothies covering our financial expenditures made each moment enjoyable without any fan nao. It also gave me an excuse to call Jonathan and Steven about tongxinlian and Jeremy's dianhuahaoma.

Sometimes I like being in control of my day, but when good people come, I can't help but have a good time. We need more Jeremy's in this world. It's even better because he came when we least expected it. It's refreshing.

Gaginang

Mike and I had an interesting conversation about Christianity a couple of days ago. One thing that struck me was how faith is a major driving force in what he does in his life, specifically in Gaginang's growth. I am not a Christian, but Nancy is, which made even more eager to ask the question, "why"? He said God loves you for you, regardless of your flaws or your mistakes. By meeting other people in the organization, he has created life changing experiences and memorable relationships. To some it's hard work, to him it's a calling. Mike is my role model. I love Gaginang because I am energized by his passion. But I felt like I wasn't apart of his world. Then I read Donald Trump's "How to Get Rich". Strange how I learn psychology by studying those who are successful businessmen. But they started out like you and me, and it was definitely their thought process that has gotten them to where they are today. Donald says when he plays golf, he notices that when people are close to getting the ball in the hole, they are paralyzed by negativity. But he says, "Faith can overcome the paralysis that fear brings with it". Faith changes a passive to an active reaction. That has huge implications. It's easy to fall into the habit of doing something passive because that sudden fear prevents you from taking risks. And life will never change unless you do something different. When I think of meeting people, I see it as a networking opportunity. That phrase itself seems superficial, so I don't actively seek relationships. But I think faith instills greater meaning in our lives, and is something I can learn from Mike. I may not be Christian, but his love through his faith inspires me to do the same. It is wonderful to feel like you are apart of something bigger. It's contagious.

Philly

"Cinnabons". That's Sina's nickname. Everytime I hear that, I think about passing by the Cinnabon in the Gallery, its warm gooey tempting piece of fat that makes me turn my head twice to find out "oh god where is that smell coming from"? Sina's from Philly. $.25 soft pretzels are from philly. The cheesesteak, Rita's water ice, Will Smith are all from Philadelphia. I realize when someone gets me going on the topic of my diqu, I am just full of pride. When I was playing Badminton, I ran into a first year student who was learning Italian as her second language. She told me that she's learning the language, but doesn't know anything about the Italian culture. I told her where I live, we are the culture. We have cannolis, spaghetti with meatballs, pizza, an Italian market, the mob, etc. Not only that, but I hear and see things that reminds me of "the city of brotherly love". For one, the gay population. Two, Jiang Ma Ma is opening a Philly Cheesesteak business at San Li Tun in the coming year. And Pao Bing is Rita's water ice, only cheaper and less tasty because it lacks the custard topping. If I say Will Smith, we are all going to burst into song from the Fresh Prince of Bell Air. Do I miss home? I don't think so, I enjoy the freedom and the autonomy of living by myself. But when I get back to America, I'm going to the Gallery to take a nice whiff of the Cinnabon scent.

The Power of Words / The Rich / My Goal

I went jogging this morning with Lennon, and I realize how miscommunication occurs when the right words aren't used. Yesterday he talked to Rick and I bumped into them in the middle of their conversation when he said, "Debbie is full of shit". Instead of storming out like a little girl like I used to, I told him to elaborate another time because I had a Kou Yu Presentation to prepare for right after class. Last night he texted me to go jogging, and I wasn't in the mood to go jogging with him because as much as I didn't want those words to bother me, it did that night. This morning, I asked him about it and he elaborated saying that the statements I make are interpreted differently by both of them. Fair enough, I said I was a Democrat but he claims that I am a Libertarian at heart. I really don't care about the labels but I don't want to label myself when I don't know what Libertarians believe in until I research it for myself. He also said that Rick and he interprets my statements differently, and that's where the contradiction lies. Rick gets me because he's alot older and mature and holds similar principles that I do, so I knew I had to clarify it to Lennon better. The point is, the reason why friendships can be harmed is from communicating with the wrong words. If he said that yesterday Debbie is a democrat but she holds libertarian points of views, our friendship would be better and we'd have longer conversations. I explained to him this morning that as much as I try to objective whenever possible, because I am a female, and I do get emotional, he has to know that full of shit can be interpreted as an attack on a person's character. How would you feel if someone said that about you? I also walked into a conversation hearing that about me and thought why am I a topic of debate? Why are you telling people I don't know who I am and what I believe in when I know I know myself? People tell me since I was a little kid, I don't get jokes or sarcasm, and until this day I'm ok with that, unless people use that to humiliate me. In short, if you want to maintain friendships, don't talk about the person, use the right words to clarify it's their point of views you don't understand.

He also said, "I'm sorry, I assumed you didn't care". According to Robert Kiyosaki assume is a killer word. If separated, it is "ass-u-me". A simple sorry would've made me feel alot better but because he doesn't take personal responsibility that it hurt my feelings, pleading ignorance as an excuse for making those statements, that is why people might not listen next time.

Two other things I notice that naturally make me zone people out is using big words and talking down to me. Because Lennon knows I am a business major, he would use economic principles that I've totally forgotten first year of college and not remind me what these principles say. I don't even think I cared about the name of the principle. Sometimes he throws words around and I don't know if he knows he's using it correctly or not. Then when I ask him to remind me he would say, you don't even know and you are from Wharton. At the end of the day, I am just like you, I need to be reminded so I understand the point you are trying to make. It is also humiliating if you can't treat me like everyone else. I've never said I knew everything. That is why I object to using labels. When you are labelled, there are general assumptions made by the other party that you know this. Some financial planners don't know what is the right investment choices you should make because he is trained to repeat the same salespitch and that is why you can be screwed at retirement. In sum, when you talk to people, use lamen's term. With imperfect information, you don't know who knows what, or maybe they just don't remember.

This is not a bash on Lennon's character. It is pointing out what people might want to know when they communicate with others. I don't represent everybody but I think people naturally feel this way. I am helping him improve his words, I think. I've never claimed to be a writer, but I am critical about the words I use to make sure you understand where I'm coming from. That's all.

Another thing that I paid attention to this morning was when Lennon said rich CEOs screw the poor. I said no, they have personal responsibility to the middle class and the poor. Robert Kiyosaki explains it succintly in the "Prophecy". The rich do this by contributing to charities and taking care of their employees and customers by upholding their credo. They first have personal responsibility to their mission, then their employees, and then to themselves. Corruption may exist but it can't exist in the long term, like Enron. Accountants, shareholders, and employees, will make sure of that. In our system of checks and balances, if you screw us, we screw you. It works vice versa. And if they keep all the money to themselves, how could they live with themselves knowing that they screwed their employee? Because at the end of the day we are all humans and not a statistic. We all have the same wants and needs. In fact, some people lose sight that we were once minimum wage employees. We live in a dog-eat-dog world, but you don't have to compromise your principles in order to advance in society. It is a system and we have the option of choosing not to play the game either. But financial education is necessary to understand that.

I got the question, "why do you want to be financially free?" I want to be financially free so I can enjoy life so I can have more time to spend with family and the people I care about. I also can't stand seeing my parents working each day earning the same wage knowing their lives will never change unless I do something about it. I also want to have time to learn and maintain my health. I write this so I don't lose sight in the future if I had to choose between working all my life vs. time with family and friends. Some people don't have a reason so when they do attain success they lose themselves and become miserable. Money is a perception but if you can make more you can invest in those things that you care about, enjoy, and love. And I think that is worth fighting for. If I remind myself this is my goal, I won't lose sight of why I do what I do everyday.

Rule of Reciprocity/Habit

Two days ago, when I was with Caoyin on the bus after a long day of shopping, she asked me, "Why don't you update your blog anymore?" I told her it is because I don't have a strong reason to update it. I used to update frequently because I didn't want to forget the good and the bad times. After a while, it became a habit to write an entry everyday. Then Steve commented that he couldn't believe I would update it so frequently, so I questioned this habit and realize all the things I remember are still in my noodle, and with each picture comes a little story I am willing to tell anyone who asks. I asked her why she asked. She says when she procrastinates she reads my blog, and now that I don't, she has nothing to read. That was cute. Caoyin you just gave me the reason to write. It's for you and it's for me.

I just finished "Retire Young, Retire Rich" by Robert T. Kiyosaki. He talks about giving before receiving. I remember that saying by Janet Hanson, the founder of 85Broads. It makes sense, by helping others they may help you in return. But I always wondered why. Yesterday I went to a club with CIEE people for Sina's birthday. When we were on the couch, Joby would put his hands up and groove to the music. Some people choose to groove with him, and others didn't. At first I only watched. But when I joined him in the festivities I had alot more fun, and everyone else started to do the same thing. It was contagious. I think that's why giving before receiving is so powerful. Once you start, you set an example for others to follow because its natural for humans to not do it unless they see someone else do it. And the more people you help, the better society becomes, and since now people have learned to be giving, it is easier to accept giving to others. It's not even that you are teaching this to one person, because once you start, everyone else will follow, because humans are all innately good people and they hold the same principle values. People only change when they are surrounded by bad people who can't control their cynicism or if they are immersed in a bad environment. Even if you don't receive the same value in return, I feel content knowing the world has gotten better because of my action.

I also learned the power of habit. In Hangzhou, we were on a 24/7 language pledge. Because everyone knew this was the standard, no one broke it unless there was no choice. Since we forced ourselves to change, we improved dramatically in five weeks. I have confidence in making mistakes and this attitude allows me to pay attention to correcting those mistakes. I can officially calculate that I was on a language pledge for a month. But the reason why this improvement breaks down without a language pledge is the moment you don't use it, the more mindlessly you use english and the more time you are cutting yourself off from improving. The surrounding people who use english will cause you to lose that time too. I can say that I've only used chinese a couple of hours a weeks in CIEE, and since humans only retain 20% of what they learn the next day, that lack of consistency will make me forget some of what I learn. But I realize it is also the attitude which I treat the situation. If I actively use the word for a couple of minutes, I don't forget it either because it becomes apart of my vocabulary. There is a difference between recognition and usage. In Beijing, my goal is to read more books and talk to the people in my program because once I start working, the time is hard to come by. People in this program are amazing. Justin is doing a documentary for NBC about his 365 day adventure in China, and it looks great. I want to make the most of my environment, and knowing that is my priority, it makes my days more meaningful.

I like feeling comfortable with making mistakes and learning from them. I've started to ask more questions about why people do things that don't make sense to me, so I can understand them better. When we went to Lush, I asked Jared why does he smoke. He said he doesn't smoke. Then he said he hasn't smoked for four months, and he only smokes one after he drinks. Later, he asks for another cigarette. I don't judge him, I just don't understand why he says things he doesn't actually do. And are you subconciously making it a habit of telling people one thing and doing another? The reason why habit is an interesting topic is because the author said that integrity is important and he would not hire a liar because once a liar is always a liar. People will lie occassionally. According to the book when we talk 20% of it is exaggerated while 80% of it is honest content . That exaggerated portion may actually become apart of you if you don't mindfully think about it. And since people are so busy, the more cynical they are, the more they are likely to undertake cynical actions and it becomes apart of their reality. In summary, if you say you will be successful, you will feel successful, you will subconsciously or mindfully find opportunities to be successful.

I am on a mission to learn about the world, and I think I found the answers in China. It's nice to read a book but only when I follow Ru Xiang Sui So (do what the romans do) do I actually use what I read and make it apart of my life. It sounds like I've been a busy camper but I find ways to organize my day to do everything I want to do in a very calm fashion. When I say I found my passion in China, it is because I am learning Chinese, learning business, asking questions, and it instills meaning in my life. I've been humiliated once for telling someone who doesn't believe I can have such ideas, but I can live knowing that I don't have to surround myself with those people. My books are my mentors, and the more I ask questions, the more I find people who hold the same values. I'm still searching for a human mentor, but I am in no rush because all the resources are on the internet, in information just as long as I keep curious. I also have a friend like Caoyin who motivates me to be better.

Thank you for making me a better person.

Henan / Doug's Birthday

I didn't expect to go to Henan this weekend. I ended up running into Nick after class who told me that he wanted me to go, so I did. Turns out, one of the participants got sick, so I took his seat. We went on hard sleepers so I went into three out of a dozen compartments to talk to people. Steven, Jessie, Eileen, Max, etc. are so funny, since a few of them are gay, and they just know how to have a good time. It was Peter's birthday, so that compartment had alot to drink. I like James Crosby for always trying to diffuse awkward situations since I was the only one not drunk. Actually Sina probably wasn't either. Talking to white Chris, asian Chris, James, Sherene, Billy (before he was asleep) was really cathartic because we never really talked before that and sleeper's high contributed or served an excuse for our honesty. We slept at 4:30 and I still woke up at 7 AM. Jogging in the morning helps me naturally wake up.

At Henan in Zhengzhou, I got a chance to talk to William. He is an English major with a dry sense of humor. People say that he's quiet, which is true, but he's more observant than people give him credit for. Since he sat next to me on the whole bus ride, I got a chance to tell him what has been on mind these past three weeks, and I really appreciated that genuinely listened to what I had to say. And he knew when to say insert his comments, which were sharp and clever. He reminds me alot of my sister, Linda, but he's alot more free spirited.

Zhengzhou was a mess. Not really a mess, I enjoyed it immensely, but our dao you was really shady. She acted alot younger than her age, which people tolerate in China, except the way she dressed and her makeup asked for attention. Apparently her second job is a matchmaker. Since that night at KTV and the coffeeshop was really messed up, I'll just tell you when I get back in the states.

Last night, Doug celebrated his birthday at Kro's Nest. I didn't go but I eventually heard about it at 12 AM last night when his body slammed at my door and I immediately woke up. When I opened the door, he was on the floor just laughing with Bennet and Aileen. We eventually got him up and he ran into his room. Jiuby on the other hand was really drunk and asked the taxi driver to bring him to Ximen which is silly because Youliao is 15 minutes away. He ended up sleeping at the Ximen gate so the police picked him up and drove him to Youliao with a smile on their face. Yup word travels fast in Youliao. But I love my hallmates because they are just true blue.

Living at Beida

This is probably the third week at Beida, and I can say I have done alot of self introspection within the time I've been here. It's been rather intentional, because before I want to avoid doing reckless things seeing that I will be here for the next four months. Specifically, I realized that I want to immerse myself with as much chinese media, tv, beida students, while community with my family on a weekly basis. That is when I feel most fulfilled. At times I feel like my fixed calendar life loses its sense of humanity, so recently I made an effort to stop being a walmart and add some good fat into my life.

Within the last few days, I've disccovered really interesting people while I've been here! Chris from Colorado is the former Rubik's cube champion. Literally, he can figure out the Rubik's cube blindfolded. You can youtube him. Another person's mom is number 3 on Barron's Most Successful (I don't remember what list). James Crosby is Bing's Crosby's relative. I met John, who is the only other Whartonite in this program, only he took a year off. Also, Rick is a consultant who wants to start up his own business in the not too distant future. He is probably the most mature person in CIEE, which is probably why I like talking to him. I noticed that ever since I became apart of Gaginang, I've talked to people alot older than me which is why I prefer talking about really serious issues in the world and people's lives. At the same time, I live at a such romantic age in my life that I can be an idealist in my views.

I found a book!

I found "The World Is Flat" for 20 kuai at the bookstore today. It was a book recommended when I attended Broad2BeAdvantage in New York. It talks about globalization and how our hierachial structure of our society is becoming less apparent because capitalism enables almost close to perfect information. For example, blogging allows people disclose the truth without media censorship or bias (although blogging can be biased but isn't influenced by factors such as a reporter's job to make it TV friendly). It mentions the fall of communism after the Berlin Wall, the internet bubble and its bust, the current competition in job markets for similar jobs between people of different nations. Highly recommend it!

Peking University Deux

Today was orientation. It seemed alot like CET over again, except with more people my age. One of the guys is actually related to Bing Crosby, the guy who sang "White Christmas". There are also six Penn people, including Ling. I had this nostalgic feeling for CET people today, and so when I ran into Ai Yun and her friend at the Peking University, I was totally surprised. She asked me why I was speaking Chinese. Yes, we have another language pledge, but it is alot more laxed.

I made another visit to Jiu Gu Lou Da Jie's Youth Hostel. We went out for Indian food, which always makes me happy. Today I was very mi mang at the dinner table. I think Siwen, Aya, and Jonathan were cracking jokes about me because I was being silly. They are cool, but I'm so naturally sensitive to their sarcasm and comments about me. Like when Siwen said for the nth time that Yi Lian is the nicer one, that struck a chord. Jonathan can make fun of me cuz his comments make me laugh, but Steven has just been mean today. An instant reaction for me is I tell people I don't care, but I do. Like don't poke fun of sensitive issues if its going to provoke me to react. I eventually hit him for saying something else, but I was pretty upset today. I just need to get a grip that its no big deal. Or people need to accept that I will never get sarcasm.

Oh about Peking University. My tutor has been helpful. She's my age. There is a baozi stand (5 bao zis for 2 kuai, or 6 mao at the official bao zi shop). I went to visit ling at her hotel/dorm. It's nice. We have TV, snacks, unlimited internet, etc. My roommate, Soo Hae, is moving out to Shao Yuan tomorrow. I will always be far from Bei Da, but I figure that this is an opportunity to learn about what's outside of the school.

Maybe its a good thing I'm starting a new program with new people. People in CET treat me as a youngin and they don't take me seriously because of the age difference. We know each other too well at this point. But thinking about how the next month is going to pass by (probably really slowly), I'm going to miss them terribly. So forget harboring bad feelings and cherish the time I have left with them.

Moving to Peking University

Today is the day I move into campus. I have 30 minutes til my time expires in the Wang Ba, so I'm making the most of yi kuai.

I had two amazing surprises within the past few days. The first surprise, I found the copy of the 24 episode Chinese drama series I started in Hangzhou. And I finished it in two days! The second surprise, Siwen's back! I was watching TV in the entertainment room and he just appeared around 1 o clock in the morning. He is back from Nei Mong Gu, all sore because of the horse back riding. And he's incredibly red, like he didn't bother using an umbrella so that's his punishment (I have an umbrella obsession). Aya and Jonathan are coming too, except they took the later train. It's kind of surreal, because I didn't expect to see any CET students anytime soon. It's funny I will run into all of them. At the last moment, I chose to not live with Jiang Ma Ma because she runs a restaurant all day and I would've been a ma fan. I guess I just love Jiu Gu Lou Da Jie's Hostel, because I'm familiar with the location plus its close to a subway station.It's good, because I have company during orientation week while I'm trying to adjust to the new environment.

Oh and something random, apparently I've been labelled. Steven now says I just pulled a Debbie if I say one buck instead of yi kuai. It's a bad habit, I should sha si it.

I also found out that youtube works at the Wang Ba! There is a disk slot for movies too! Yes!

I have time to make friends with the Lao Wai at Peking University, I'm just going to make the most of the time with my CET family. Dinner tonight (hopefully). Score.

Back from Xi Dan

I know I've told people that I hate when people right about every little detail that happens in their day, but when I have alot of time to think to myself, that's what I end up doing. And you know what, I'm ok with that. I'll be hypocritical for now.

My plan today was to hit three of the major markets to go shopping before school starts: Xi Dan, Dong Si Shi Tiao, and the one across from the Dong Wu Yuan. The problem was I forgot the subway stop to the Dong Wu Yuan, eliminating one of them (the other two are subway stops). I think Steven brought me to Xi Dan's bookstore last week but I had trouble locating it, so I sui bian walked. It was really a blur because I didn't have Jenn, Ling, or Geraldine to make random comments about the clothes. Anyway, I bought tons of gifts for people, about 10 rmb for each. It might sound cheap, but bestowing a gift means alot to the dui fang. I remember yesterday when Jenn got a gift from Liu Jin, her face brightened up instantly. It's like what the main character from Hotel Rwanda said about the Carribean cigars (best movie I've seen in China). It is offering an experience and it isn't about the money. Also, these gifts are really expensive in the states. God, what a high markup.

I took sticker pictures today at Xi Dan because it reminded me of the time Thao and I went shopping in Hangzhou. We spent hours at the sticker picture booth, and although it was the cheapest expenditure we made that day, it was the most memorable. In fact, I still keep her picture and my picture on my keychain. The problem is it isn't the same when I have a picture of just myself because a sticker picture is meant to have at least two people, unless you are vain (ok we have a little vanity in all of us). When I look at my new pictures, there is a gap for another face to fill. I just felt alittle gu du today. I wonder if she's still on the Silk Road with her Bei Wai friends. Then again I feel very enervated suo yi wo mei you li qi zuo gong gong qi che qu kan ta.

Making alot of decisions on this trip has made me realized how I worry about making the right decision. It can be as easy as choosing left and right on the subway stop. I realize that even if I choose something that turns out to be worse than what I expected, I still have the opportunity to go the other way. I can't stand indecisive people, but I also can't stand people who make it seem like I don't have a choice in the matter. I like independence from a group, even if it means sometimes the only person I am talking to is myself.

Today I had a 5 minipancakes sandwiches snack with the following toppings respectively: chocolate, mango, strawberry, blueberry, and hongdou. I realize the reason why I bought it was because I saw hongdou even when I wasn't hungry. In fact, everything I bought today, from the bao zis, mantou, cake, congee, and this are all because they are comfort food. I also realize that I can eat practically the same thing everyday. Maybe I'll grow up to be an accountant because I find comfort in habit.

While I was bargaining for my gym shirt today, I said 15 kuai and the lao ban said ok. I said I wanted a sleaveless shirt for 20 kuai, she said if I buy both, then she'll charge me 40 kuai. That's less than 6 bucks in the US. There are two things weird about this situation, one the lao ban didn't complain AT ALL, and two she seemed to be really satisfied with the deal. I really wonder how low I could have gone with the price and how good of a quality the two shirts I purchased are. I thought I got the better end of the deal, but now I think she got the better end, which for some reason makes me feel cheated on.

No lao ban today asked me if I was from Korea. I think my chinese is improving! The only problem today was I took a picture at the store and a lady said that there are no pictures allowed. I was going to be kicked out, but when I said I was from America, the lady backed off. I don't exactly know what to make of the situation, but I'm glad she didn't confiscate my camera because its expensive and some footages are just amazing.

The guy next to me at the wang ba asked me if I was using the cigarette butt tray. I obviously said no, and he just blew smoke in my face. If I didn't have self control and if I wasn't me and if there were no laws in this society about beating people, I'd beat the crap out of him. Steven said its because I'm a northerner. I know I won't die directly from this cause but for peat's sake, the wang ba says NO SMOKING! and I think I have the right in this country to not inhale smoke without leaving my designated computer, right?? Ok I remember, I'm in China, and the government's fu bai, I'll leave after I write everything down. It is only 2 rmb after all (less than 33 cents an hour).

I started thinking about Jenn leaving to Lyon and thought about our conversation on the train and at xi hu. I tend to avoid situations when I don't really know how to solve the problem. She said something along the lines of maybe I should solve the problem, and I said well my approach is one of the Freudian defense mechanisms so its ok. Like it doesn't bother me when I choose to go around something instead of through it. But maybe if I think alittle bit more about solving a problem differently, then it wouldn't bother me so much when I think about it. She also said its ok to be sensitive and not get sarcasm, cuz its who I am, and I don't have to change who I am. I like that my friends accept me for me. But I also think humans can change to fit into their environment. I also like living in the present and not worrying about my future. Cuz whatever I choose to do, by all this experience, I'll have a better idea of what's a good fit for me.

Privatize or not to privatize this post, I'll figure it out later. Why do we privatize? What do we have to hide? But why do we choose to let people know our opinions? I bet Nghiep would have an explanation, but in essence I do it because I don't want to forget what makes each day memorable and I tend to lose journals because I am very hun luan. The worst case scenario is if it affects my relationships with other people. But then again, the most important relationship to me is with my family (again a hotel rwanda reference), so I think the benefits outweighs the cost.

Xi Dan was cool, but I have no energy for Dong Si Shi Tiao.

10 Minutes on the Interwang

Yesterday, we sent Jenn to Lyon, France for her next study abroad program. When she gets there, she's going to meet her Mademoseille mom, huan ren min bi to Euros, and meet cute French guys. Yesterday, before Jenn left, we visited practically every school that each person attended in our group, Geraldine's Bei Shi Da, Jenn's Bei Yu, and Ling and my future Bei Jing Da Xue. I love Peking University. Jenn says if Tsinghua is the MIT of China, then Peking University is the Harvard of China, because it is related to humanities and Tsinghua is engineering. I love my campus. The lake is so pretty, and there are alot of trees. The people can even speak English, like American English. We saw a group of people jogging, and we knew they were foreigners. Chinese people don't jog. Our Tu Shu Guan is the size of a mansion. I love my campus. Close by, there is a place to cut hair. I don't know if I want to dye my hair again. It's cheaper here, but I don't want to be considered feng kuang for Nancy's wedding in December. Out of time, time for brunch!

Back at the Youth Drum Hostel at Jiu Gu Lou Da Jie!

Wow! So in less than one week, I traveled to Shanghai, Hangzhou, Nanjing, and Beijing. I literally stayed in each hostel for one night, and I think its enough to appreciate each city. In Shanghai, Ling, Jenn, Geraldine and I finally reunited after I missed my train at Beijing Zhan. I ended up buying a ticket for a train two days after because I wanted to spend more time with Thao and Steven, and it was a good choice (without considering that I paid 800 kuai for Ruan Wo), because on Ruan Wo, I had a private bathroom, a TV, comfortable beds, and my roommate was a really interesting French person. Also, Thao is like a breath of fresh air. I also got to walk through houhai while I was in Beijing, which is always memorable.

After I arrived in Shanghai, we went to the Yu Gardens, where we took lots of scenery pictures. I kept running to those rosewood fans mom wanted, only that they were really expensive on the wallet, so I didn't buy them. We went to an empty restaurant for lunch, where the fu wu yuan was kind of a cartoon character, nice but really not the typical waiter. Literally, we walked into the restaurant and all the fu wu yuan were asleep. It was probably because of the time. At our hostel, we met an English couple who recommended we'd go cycling in Hangzhou. When we went to Hangzhou the day after, we ended up meeting them a second time. Its surprising when you think you won't see people again, and you do. I think I should start taking down contact information.

When we went to Hangzhou, we went around the west lake. The west lake and Lei Feng Ta are so pretty at night. We got to see the sunset and catch up with what we've been doing with our lives.

I learned the word for ABCs (Hua Yi), zoning out (fa dai), and receipt (mai dan). I learned so many cheng yus in my program that I missed the basic words.

Nanjing was by far the best city on this trip! There are stores everywhere and the prices are reasonable. I actually bought more clothes in Nanjing in one day than this entire trip altogether. That's because their clothes are so much more western and affordable! I really wanted to visit the Nanjing Massacre Memorial. We spent 6 1/2 hours trying to get there, only to find out it is under construction. What the hell. (I got a pirated dvd of High School Musical 2 for 10 rmb right next to the Sunflower Youth Hostel, and the movie was just as good as the first!) Then we had bao zis at night (mine was hong dou and cai bao), and went to this Taiping Memorial site. It was so funny because the Taiping site has been modernized for tourists. There are Christmas lights on the gu lao building and green neon lights to make the plants more striking. There was a skit at the end of our tour where they had three bachelors about to get married to a Chinese women. The third bachelor ended up being a lao wai who didn't speak chinese and that's what made it funny. These bachelors were from the audience so no one knew what to expect but he was a good sport. I have it on my camera! I will upload it when I get my shou ti dian nao from Jiang Ma Ma. But there is so much of the city I haven't explored yet, so I plan to make a trip back there soon (especially cuz I missed Hu Nan Road and a river where alot of fish died, long story)

This morning I watched Hotel Rwanda. Good movie! Totally recommend it.

Jenn is leaving for Lyon in five hours, Geraldine is going back to the states, Ling and I are about to start our term in Peking University. That is insane. There are so many Peking Universities, just will different campus names. I hope I have more time to travel, but I hope I don't spend so much on transportation costs. My English grammar is so poor at this point, but I the benefits of the trip definitely exceed the cost. Its weird to go from Meiguo to Zhongguo, because food is so cheap. It's like winning the lottery. But I learned that if I don't keep count of how much money you spend, its easy to lose it all by making convenient choices instead of thinking alittle bit more about how I want to spend money.

Immediate Plans
1. Figure out how to get to campus.
2. Go to Xi zhi men to read books.
3. Buy a DVD player.
4. Get some more hong dou bao zis!

Songs from Jenn's Ipod (in random order)
1. Hong Dou- Wang Fay
2. Superstar- SHE
3. Wang Lee Hom- Kiss Goodbye, Hua Tian Cuo
4. Shan Hu Hai- Jay Chou
5. Xi Shua Shua (love this song)

Something random: People keep looking at us, like for extended periods of time! I've just decided to stare back. Jenn and I also have started talking about people openly on the train, we are more chinese by the day. Oh while we were on Yin Zuo to Nanjing, we talked to a teacher who looked really young, but she's only 22. She said that Americans look older because we eat KFC and McDonalds, so our diets affect the way we look. Besides Steven who eats kuai can food like everyday, that isn't true. But interesting view of Americans, because she said thats what her teacher told her.

Oh my hour is up. I am at a Wang Ba. I paid 2 kuai for an hour, as much as my Wa Ha Ha water bottle. I hope we're going to KTV tonight before Jenn leaves =D, I haven't heard Jenn, Ling, or Geraldine sing before.

Nanjing - August 30th

We're finally in Nanjing! It's awesome! Our hostel is right in the middle of a business area so we went shopping all day and I found clothes I liked. These clothes look so western and I just went crazy buying $1-10 USD shirts. We sat on yin zuo seats for seven hours and my behind is still very sore from the experience. Not as bad as the overnight ride from Hangzhou to Beijing, but still yin zuo can get irritating very quickly. I can't get that Xi Shua Shua song out of my head. I listened to Jenn's Ipod today and learned to appreciate Wang Lee Hom's music, I think its called "Hua Tian Cuo", but you know I still like Jay Chou. I can't believe in three days we traveled through Shanghai, Hangzhou (to pick up luggage and experience the west lake where I pung dao Jiang Cong AND Zhang Fan), AND Nanjing. People at Penn are about to start school. Hahaha. I'm glad I will be here for another four months. I really enjoy learning more about China and I just need a longer break from the Wharton curriculum.

I like staying at new hostels everyday. There's something to appreciate about the fu wu and the location. Yesterday, at the West Lake Youth Hostel, they treated me like family. They were like, "You're back!" and we recounted memories on how my mom lost her passport and how my parents left me at Zhejiang University of Technology a month before. Last month I ordered the vegetable omelette, this month I ordered the chicken curry. I like Indian food. It tastes like my mom's ga li and is flavorful. I eat too much bread and Hong Dou. Hong Dou is also a really good song by Wang Fay. I can't get that song out of my head either.

Tomorrow we're going to the Ming Tombs and explore the historical sites of Nanjing (Nanjing Da Tu Sha Memorial). I have more to say about Shanghai and Hangzhou but I think my 5rmb/hour on blogger is over. So the next time I fu qian, I will write! Au revoir.

Lack of Better Titles- August 24th

Today is my last day at the Beijing Drum Youth Hostel at Jiu Guo Lao Da Jie at the Xicheng District of Beijing. Once in a while I think about Hangzhou, because they sell mantous and bao zis (still at 5 mao), but the difference is the conspicuous construction projects that go on around the city. The fourth line is about to be open next month, so I won't have any trouble getting to Beida or Beiwai. I'm going to make it at effort to memorize the lines on Er Huan because this will be my home for the next four months and if not now, I'll have to figure it out later. The weather is beautiful, its not humid, its warm and gan.

Yesterday we walked through Houhai. Again alot of Budweiser advertisements and I could tell the prices would be close to American. I think Beijing is really beautiful, granted that there are alot of tourists. You don't see Hei Zhong ren or that many bai zhong ren in Hangzhou, but once in a while you see them strolling along Beijing. Kind of diverse, and kind of lacking diversity. Lacking diversity in the sense that traveling through different provinces in China you see similar buildings, food, and culture. I took alot of scenery photos yesterday, but they are very gu lao. I also went to a Pirated DVD store and got rush hour 3 and the uncensored version of the Ex with Zach Braff. I need time to see it but my shou ti dian nao can only process audio and I can't watch DVDs. I need to buy a dvd player.

Yesterday I kept thinking all day that Taiwan is going to declare independence during the Beijing 2008 Olympics. Isn't that scary?

I hate people who smoke in my face.

August 23

Last night I went to a Jiu Ba with Ling and Jenn. It was kind of surreal cuz I was just playing with my PDA and immediately when I looked up, there they were. I haven't seen them for more than a month and it felt like yesterday when we left for China. We danced, the music was ok, but I liked just chatting with them afterwards.

I realized that Beijing has alot of underpasses and they use more paper money than coins.

So today I went to CET Beijing and ate "Hua Hua X Jia" s food. I haven't had the chance to savor xi fang de cai (western food). Now that Siwen is asleep, I'm going to explore the city. I hope I don't get lost cuz I don't have a map, but today is the perfect day to understand the Beijing culture before my Friday trip to Shanghai. My roommates in my youth hostel are nice. One is from Nanjing, the other from Wenzhou, the other from Shanghai, one is from Tai Yuan (mei kuang / coal mine- actually she's from america but she worked there as a teacher), and they are really interesting. One came to Beijing to see her friend play in a band, the others are travelers.

I like Beijing, it looks really easy to navigate but I need to look for a map.

I miss Caoyin so much, XiaoHuangDi come to Beijing soon!

I can't sleep

Ok. So I reread my blog. God I write alot.

Something that I remember that bugs me about China.

1. Their view on Darfur. They think its a developing country problem, and they don't think of it as a genocide. They want America and the rest of the world to help Darfur develop, and they don't understand that slaughtering is going on.

2. How corrupt the government is and how they control the media. Dai Jie, a tong wu, told me that he didn't even know Tian An Men Square in the 90s occurred until he watched an American documentary. Because of the censorship of websites in China, some students don't even know this happened. And if they do know this happened, they don't know why it was wrong for the government to kill students. I think people are educated in this country but they are taught to memorize and they don't ask why it happens and infer why these actions are wrong. There are exceptions like Zhang Fan and Dai Jie. But very few.

3. The clear distinction between poverty and prosperous territory. Generally speaking, Hangzhou is prosperous. Just walk down Yan An Jie and you'll know the Bi Sa Bing (Pizza Hut) and the Xing Ba Ke (Starbucks) exorbitant prices are clearly alot higher than the Xue Xiao Hou Men's Xiao Chi (5 mao to 2 rmb per dish). That's because the rich pay off the government so that this kind of corruption can continue.

4. Did you know how many people died under the communist regime?

5. On a lighter note, How beauty is "cute".

Ever since I started speaking English after the language pledge, since most people are IR majors in this program, we just talked about the problems existant in this developing nation. Sorry for the China bash.

Random: I've grown to love dresses and I've bought alot. I can't wait to buy more!

Zhong wen zhuo zi would've been helpful had they taught us to order food the first week. I still can't order food. Sometimes I don't even know my dish is fried until it comes out.

Random Rant: Ri, I'm sorry for not talking to you. But you exacerbated the situation by calling me inconsiderate that how am I supposed to react? How can I talk to you if every word you say offends me? Please stop and let me go. THAT'S WHY I CAN'T SLEEP.

Tuesday August 21st

Headed off to Beijing in a couple of hours. Siwen went to sleep (not sure if its because of his narcolepsy or if its because he anticipates our 16 hour ride sitting down is going to be HELL). I think I'll sleep too. We're going to stay at a Youth Hostel for two days at Huohai in Beijing, in a mixed dorm, so I'm excited and nervous.

I'm going to miss Hangzhou. I visited most of the places with the exception of the Silk Museum and Zhejiang University (the campus three times as big). My legs are sore. With all of these blisters, eek! Jiang Cong and Xiao Zhu came today to say their good byes. They don't understand that I'm not coming back. LOL. They kept saying come visit next year or before they get married. I decided to take a few photos so they can be in my thoughts. After all, Xiao Zhu helped me do my homework (albeit the bubble tea most nights isn't exactly healthy but its mian fei) and Jiang Cong's convoluted life made hanging out in Caoyin's fangjian all the more memorable. I used to tell them we can make time. But its the expenditure and the fact that my future isn't in China. At least I'm 95% sure. So what if my dormitory looks like a crapshoot? It's been my home for a month.

Au revoir, Hangzhou!

Monday August 20th

Yay!

Finals have been over since Friday. I'm still at 11th Lou at Zhejiang University of Technology this time living with Aya (who's leaving with Jonathan tomorrow afternoon), and its been so relaxing. I can officially say I'm on vacation. This morning I woke up to watch "Jia You Er Nu" ( a kid's show that I can understand 80% of the conversation) and then I hung out uploading pictures and walking to Xi hu. There are still a couple of people here (The Tang's, Aya, Jonathan,Siwen, and two tongwus,Shibingkun and lady friend) so the atmosphere is still very Xingbake Ru Ci. In fact, today I stopped by XingbaKe to get a Red Bean Frappaccino and a muffin. Cost me 50 RMB (5USD), still alot but I was in that kind of mood.

You know, finally I can listen to English music without the feeling of persecution, talk English while getting a foot massage, and get to know people. I love the language pledge because it was effective in establishing a sense of self confidence when speaking to other people and make talking in a different language a habit, but there are just certain topics that are harder to talk about in Chinese than English, and I'm glad I have the choice in which language I choose to speak now.

Tomorrow I'm going to Beijing and writing out part two of my crazy life. I think I got frustrated easily in this program and I might have to edit some entries, but I also think I'll be mildly entertained 5 years from now when I read it. I'm writing this for me, kind of for you, but more for me. The most scandalous thing I've done in Hangzhou, nothing. I don't drink after all. But one thing I wish I did was keep up with American news. I just found out yesterday that a bridge collapsed in America. I also saw pictures of my dance group at Dorney Park. I just realized oh my god, a month ago, I was in a hip hop dance group. I didn't forget, but I haven't seen them for a long time. It brought back a flood of memories.

I bought rosewood fans today. It smells like a Yue Nan house. I love it. I also got three umbrellas from Xi Hu, which reminds me of Ann's Dance that we did two years ago in VSA. I've been practicing it for a week and yep, its still in my noodle. I don't know what I'll do with that information, I just appreciate that I can recreate it during my free time.

Man tomorrow I'm leaving Hangzhou. Siwen and I bought tickets to the 10:58 PM one with HARD SEATS. 16 freakin hours of hard seats. That's basically the plane ride from Philly to Shanghai. The day after we're picking up Caoyin from the airport. Somewhere between Wednesday and Friday I will meet up with Jenn, Ling, and Geraldine. Wednesday night we should be going to a Jiu Ba with foreigners. Yay dance music that I'll recognize.

When I get to Beijing, I am going to learn Taijiquan. I've been completely inspired by MengXue. I'm also going to play Badminton and learn how to play better like those crazy teachers from the XiaoXue in Hangzhou. The Guzheng might be hard to purchase, so I don't know if I can really do it in Beijing. I dunno if I want to learn PingPong. I'm definitely going to focus on the fluency of speaking Chinese because I'm no longer on a language pledge and that's what I came here for. I'll also definitely learn some Chinese songs to sing at Nancy's wedding. Man its coming up fast. My sister's getting married!

I saw the Gaginang Conference. Go cousin Fong!

My hands are sleepy. I don't know why I feel so lethargic after finals. I mean I've already crashed and burned. I bought my dad a cd today. He's going to love it because I love it. Its a fusion of chinese instruments and a girl with a heavenly voice sings it. It gave me incessant chills when I listened to it at the store. Actually I've gotten multiple gifts for people. Nancy gets a qipao for her wedding and Judy gets a compass like 50 year calendar. Its amazing cuz you turn it to the month, the year, and the date, and it will tell you the day of the week it is. That way, you will always know what day it is.

Tomorrow I need to buy a luggage case because I have too much crap to bring to Beijing. Definitely a ma fan.

Twice today people asked me if I was a Hang Guo Ren. Do I look Korean? Is it the accent? Is it my lack of agressive bargaining nature when I'm lethargic?

I've been walking through the city for the past two weeks and I can recognize the difference between fa da and fa zhan. There are alot of concentrated prosperous places and alot of crap shoots in China. Like in America, they are much farther away, cuz the city and the suburbs are just that far. In China, you can walk to a really expensive place and two streets later, your mantou can be 5 mao (.5 RMB). I like hanging out on Ya Nan Road though. Reminds me of Shanghai and alot of shopping opportunities with reasonable prices. Hushu Road is cool too cuz I love XingBaKe and their western toilets. Crouching ones just smell bad and sometimes they don't have toilet paper.

The only places I haven't been are the silk museum and Zhejiang DaXue, the other college in Hangzhou that is three times as big. Do I regret anything about Hangzhou? I should've surrounded myself with more TV and took chances talking about something not in my norm. There is still alot I need to learn. OK I NEED MY SLEEP.

Burnt Out

i've had a pretty awesome weekend after viewing Jay Chou's "Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi", Huo Guo (hot pot), KTV (loved all the songs), and buying more dresses and a pair of shoes. Today I feel cuoruo. I only have three more days but why an I just not in the mood? Tomorrow will be better, but tomorrow, I have a skit and a debate. This is so draining.

Fourth Week

I haven't been writing much since I've finally gotten used to Chinese culture. One day I just woke up and said, I get it. "If you can't beat em, join em" and its been happy go lucky since. We went to Wenzhou where we got to enjoy the beach scenery and Carribbean temperature. The highlight of my trip was doing a skit with Siwen and Caoyin. My baimawangzi and huangdi were so cute up there! It's all on CD, so you can watch it when I get back.

Let's see there were three consecutive birthdays this week. Meng Xue's birthday, I ended up staying at my su she to study for our weekly exam. Ye lian's shi you's birthday was next. We went to a chinese nightclub! Unfortunately all the songs were just trance, I didn't recognize songs. I love watching chinese people dance. They just nod their heads. But everyone in C ban was hot! Who knew they could dance after drinking alittle Haerbin. Haha. Rong wan's birthday was somewhat fuza because of alittle romance going on between tong wu's. Funny if you aren't involved in a love triangle.

I went to XichengGuangChang last week and rediscovered my love for DDR. Sure its not four directional buttons, there are 3. You also swing your hand at some point. Its relatively easier than US DDR, but these events always attract crowds. So I played and kicked ass. Yep.

I plan to watch Jay Chou's new movie. When did I realize I have an obsession for Jay Chou? I literally have his entire sticker collection. Who could blame me? It was less than an American dollar. It was really funny because the other day I was really mad at Xiao Zhu for breaking a promise, but I didn't say I was mad. When he invited me to watch a Jay Chou performance, I said I was busy. Then he bought me Zhen Zhu Nai Cha and asked me to forgive him. That has never happened before. I think Chinese people are very perceptive.

I found badminton courts. I played against Xiao Zhu, Si wen's tong wu, and Jiang Cong, Shi Bing Kun's tong wu. I can tell Xiao Zhu has alot less experience, but he learned how to smash after 30 minutes, so point wise he beat Jiang Cong. But Jiang Cong is definitely more skilled. We played and it was tons of fun. Then a couple of old geysers came in and showed us how to really play. Literally, they did clear shots with no opportunity to smash. I was really excited to see real Badminton players play Badminton.

I think I am falling in love with China day by day. Everyday I see reasons why the atmosphere is good for me. Sure its a little less convenient than America, but there's so much to learn about people and the culture. I think I'm becoming better at bargaining and you know what, I'm starting to wear Chinese clothes. Not the biggest thing, but my image is changing. Caoyin and I are going to Shanghai during the weekend. Its going to be fun!

I've gone to a massage parlor twice within the past two weeks. Its called an mo, and if you only want a foot massage, its zu yu. It costs 8 US dollars for 70 minutes. Oh my god it is just amazing!

This weekend we're going to KTV. I don't think most students in CET recognize the songs, but its ok. We'll read the words that we recognize and murmur the rest. Luckily I grew up in an environment with chinese music. I just love karaoke.

Ok I gotta purchase my train tickets to Shanghai and somehow fit in my guzheng lessons. Its gotten harder nowadays but I think its because the music is alot more traditional and I appreciate the modern songs.

Apparently I have some visa troubles back in the states. Don't deport me!

Bank

I think I learned this from Mr.Chuang, perhaps the only thing I learned from Mr.Chuang was:
Ke bu ke yi shang ce suo?

I went to the bank today to ba mei yuan huan cheng ren ming bi. I asked the guy at the front desk, and he looked taken aback by the question. I asked it again to make sure my tones were correct. He said, "Do you mean Xi Shou Jian?" I said yeah both mean the same thing. Apparently one is more appropriate because using the former is like saying can I take a dump, and the other one is more discreet because you are saying you are going to the room where you wash your hands. Just to let you know its more courteous to use the latter question if you are out for dimsum. That is all.

I haven't decided who to take to Nancy's wedding. Actually I thought about it. Should I? I dunno.

My Tong Wu just woke up almost naked again. I mean she had the basics, but this is so AWKWARD. How can you tell someone to change a habit like that? I mean, for peat's sake, she Chinese.

Midterms

Not to cast a damper with the title, but this marks the middle of my semester. Yay! I went to Beijing during the weekend with my parents and it was a blast! I met Jiang Ma Ma who owned an awesome Vietnamese Restaurant, who treated us to dinner, and taught me how to bargain. My parents are as dark as people living in the tropics, but that seemed to be the only change. My dad was just as amiable, and my mom was the shopaholic. I never realized how good it was to be around my parents until I was actually with them. In fact, they helped me find food I had been longing for: Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds (with Vitamin D milk, no artificial sweeteners!) and Durian. We went to River Romance, and my dad bought me a Gelato. He also cut mangoes and bought really soft (albeit without flavor) bread. They also bought mangosteen, something I adored while I traveled with them. I only remember the food because I haven't tasted different flavors for a LONG TIME. I felt so pampered having them with me, because everything I wanted I got. I wasn't tyrannical or anything but it was the simplicity of just asking and getting it immediately which made it seem so gratifying at the end of the day. Sometimes I didn't even have to ask. I realized the convenience of having my parents around. But it really wasn't the convenience they offered that I cared about, more of just realizing they were a couple of meters away for a couple of days was comforting. I kept glancing at them while we were on the taxi because I knew I wouldn't see them until the end of December. I only now know how real living in another country is like. I think in Philadelphia I lived life subconsciously because my life was a routine. Sure its becoming a routine, but I waking up thinking that I've been displaced. I used to say perception is reality. If you believe it, its true. But you can only fool your senses for so long. My parents aren't watching my back anymore. Maybe thats a good thing, but I really haven't taken advantage of being independent.

My skit is in three days. Thao, me, and Steven are in a group performing "AiQingGuShi,YeAiQingShiGu". Who would've guessed! Siwen just wants to sing Tian Mi Mi and Thao is the sumo wrestler. They are both going to fight for my affection. I don't know if this is a good thing, but I'm intrigued that the story line would put me in this predicament.

I think CET really brings out the kid in me. More like the high school nerd (with a fashion sense)with all this Real World drama. I say that because whenever Caoyin and I study, we'd eventually talk about how our roommates are totally in love with other people. I kid you not. The difference is no one really does it publicly in China. Its so obvious they are attracted to one another, but its like a Chinese drama. No I'm in love with so and so, no we've been apart for years. Just like Gov School love!

I talk like there's only 2 people. To tell you the truth my class has other other people (being the advanced level). I mentioned Siwen and Caoyin. There's BaiJunNin(KFC spokesperson lookalike who loves cookies), Oelian(best Chinese speaker I've learned), AiYun(most sophisticated), Qiyin(HK gurl from Swarthmore), Mungxue(has a bf from Penn). That's about it. My teachers are like Big Brothers who just know everything. We just learned to keep our private matters to ourselves.

I think being back in an institution limits my focus on why I came to China, which was to learn to speak Chinese fluently, sing chinese karaoke without missing words, and enjoy immersing myself in the culture. Now I just memorize all day and it burns me out. I have to say its not as hard as Wharton. Nothing compares to Wharton. But sometimes I just wish I had more time to myself to explore.

Ok out of that self reflection mode. I finished the Harry Potter book. It rocks my socks. I'm happy Harry married Ginny in the end and named their kids in honor of the people who perished in the book. I miss Fred the most. George no longer has an identical twin.

Thanks for the warm wishes guys! I haven't been able to see the comments (although I do get notifications) since blogspot is blocked in China, but I'm sure I'll see them when Christmas rolls around!

Another week has gone by... (Celine Dion wordplay)

Yay! I got to watch the boolegged version of Harry Potter yesterday. My roommate's former boyfriend (yup I was right about their guan xi) put some crap on my laptop and I was able to view it. I asked him if it was wei fa (illegal), and he said "bu yi ding" (not neccessarily). Anyway...

I bought my guzheng! It costs about 1,150 RMB. I played it and I am absolutely in love with it. I can play it like a piano only it doesn't have fa or ti in "do re mi fa so la ti do". So the only song I can play is "Ma Li you yi zhi xiao yang" (Mary had a Little Lamb).

Thao and I have discussed a conspiracy theory about our teachers. We ren wei (think) that they have a meeting every night about what they find out about us in our yi dui yi (one on one) sessions. Whatever you say one day with one teacher carries over the next day to another teacher. They really care about us. But they don't believe in confidentiality. Again, ge qiang you er (the walls have ears).

Thao and I have been interviewing people every week about random topics. Last week it was about internet porn. It was a questionable method we used since we asked one guy next door who asked his one guy friend who asked his other guy friend who asked his other guy friend =4. It's like a Chain letter at its best. Anyway, all the guys have never witnessed it since there are internet restrictions in China. But I think its ke bu si yi (unbelievable).

I miss Abhi. My little apprentice tells me a certain IT guy is quitting, a blood related IT guy has a girlfriend (OMG), and my Ketki is lost in Europe. Well not lost, but its a big world. I just realized, if Abhi brings his salary over to China, he can live like a king.

My Tong Wu went to KTV twice in one week. KTV is karaoke, only the hours when its really cheap is between 12 AM-6AM. It's really inconvenient because I feel like I can't play my guzheng since she sleeps when I am awake. Today, I dunno, I was fed up with it, so I played a morning tune. It was really awkward because well she didn't chuan yi fu, like she went to sleep without yi fu. My conception of chinese people are they are really conservative, but you know "sheng ri fu zhuang" isn't something I am really all that excited in seeing.

Today I ate a bunch of mian bao (bread) that you would normally find in those Chinese bakeries in Chinatown. I am now unconsciously purchasing mian bao that I used to say had no flavor. I think my teacher described it best, what's most important is that you are full. Although today he told us he ate 3 mantous for breakfast and drank a pint of dou fu, which I think is a bit of an overkill.

Today I counted the number of mosquito bites I had. I have 22 small ones and 2 big ones. The small ones aren't noticable unless I scratch myself. Like they aren't spread out, more like juxtaposed. So 5 small ones are equivalent to one big one. It looks like I have 6, actually 4 because two are hidden.

I am so excited to see my parents this weekend in Beijing. Its not that I missed them but there are small things that remind me of them. Like yesterday, Si wen serenaded us with tian mi mi. Like I absolutely hated that song, but its an old classic my dad used to sing. Something about songs mark milestones in my life. Like The Killers "Mr.Brightside", Keane's "Somewhere only We Know", Fan Wei Qi's "Wo Men Ke Bu Ke Yi Bu Yong Gan", Jay Chou's "Qian Li Zhi Wai".
I'm going to publish a memoir in the future. Well if not publish, just tell an oral gu shi to my loved ones. I am staying in a five star hotel (AGAIN) owned by the Starwood corporation. Oh how I miss Western toilets. Also, I'm really proud with what I've learned within the past two weeks. With my friends here, I have no problem conversing fluidly. That doesn't mean I'm saying it right but I couldn't have imagined a more rapid progression. I need to learn to order food though. Chinese people don't really have an opinion about local favorites.

If you da pen ti (sneeze), say yi bai sui.

Good luck = Zhu ni xin yun.

Changhu and the World

Weekends pass by fairly quickly in China. Each week a different activity is coordinated by our Residential Director, Ling Jiu Bi. This week, it was "Take your tongwu out to bond day", meaning I spent time with my roommate. I brought Thao along because her tongwu's grandmother died over the weekend so she had nowhere to go. She's always fun company to have around. She's my age only alot shorter (Thao if you're reading this you KNOW its true). We went to Jiangsu province in the Changshu District and it was a very memorable experience.

We went to ShangHu, alot like Xihu's scenery only you have to pay 60 RMB because its scenery is maintained by the people who charge us for admission. I enjoyed just sitting on the benches and taking in the view. I kept reminding myself to live in the moment because I really don't know when I'll have an opportunity like this again. I can imagine retiring here, but I can't imagine paying 60 RMB to do it everyday. It was funny because XueFang, my roommate, was ultimately dissatisfied because she did not receive instant satisfaction. SuFang, QiYing's roommate (Qiying is from Swathmore) enjoyed the company of a friend she hadn't seen for two years so she didn't complain. Thao is so cute because she insists that I upload all of the pictures I took on facebook. I really don't mind, only that I know spending more than an hour uploading will change my study routine.

Qiying, Thao (Caoyin), and I talked while enjoying ShouLaMian (handmade noodles) for breakfast. Thao said her roommate doesn't eat breakfast or dinner. Qiying says that alot of Chinese girls think beauty comes with being thin and being really pale. I didn't really notice until it occurred to me how much my roommate and SuFang normally talk about how pudgy little boys are. When Qiying and I looked at them, we said they were "yi ban lai shuo de nan hai er" (average looking boys). When we started to describe obesity, they were really surprised. Also, XueFang became alittle tanned today and she kept complaining about it. To come to Changshu was different because everyone in Hangzhou is really thin and pale. Changshu looked like America, more industrialized, more western, alot more KFCs and McDonalds, and average looking people. SuFang said,"Nan guai wo men shuo Shang you Tian Tang, xia you Su Hang". It means, no wonder we say above is heaven, below is Suzhou and Hangzhou. My Chinese teacher in America said that Hangzhou has very beautiful scenery and beautiful women. If beauty comes with the above criteria, then I guess he's right.

I think my roommate thinks she really knows me. Its not just that she chooses my food, but she answers all of my questions. Everything, food, homework, family, love interest, hobbies, ya de ya de ya da. It's not overbearing but sometimes she's just completely wrong with her response.

I use to say the world's really small. In America, some friend ends up knowing some friend who knows a mutual friend. At most there is six degrees of separation right? I'm not really sure about that saying. Travelling alot within the past two weeks has made me come to realize how big this world really is and how I don't know anybody and how I don't understand the culture of a developing society.

A few random observations:
I saw a little boy who was balancing himself by the head to make money because his mom told him not to stop. He only made a couple of RMB. I saw a really pretty woman kick her dog across the face while she was waiting in line for food. I thought of animal abuse and vanity. There are alot of dogs that just roam around in Changshu without owners. They just kept following us around. A little kid threw garbage into a monumental foundation. There were students standing in front of a bookstore with signs asking for a job. The police station has no police. A local favorite is eating octopus on a stick. Rollerskating is only getting big. Alot of old people enjoy dancing the salsa in the street (more than 100 ppl). There are alot of stores that are dilapidated with no business. But you know what? No one really kills anybody like in America. "Zi zhi zao gu zi zhi" (take care of yourself). All they need is money so the worst case scenario is getting something stolen. The problem with taking care of yourself and less stringent security is that no one follows traffic rules. Even in the mall, on the second floor people were riding bicycles and motorcycles. My biggest fear everyday is getting hit by a moving vehicle.

I learned different ways to express my frustration in Chinese within the past two days. I'm so excited to teach people in America.

Classes OVER!

Yay! I survived my first week of classes. I think the reason why CET is a really hard program is because it is based on "si ji ying bei" (rote memorization). You come in to class with the teacher's expectation that you know everything because they give you everything you need to prepare for. We have 100 words a day, an essay to write, and an extracurricular activity. I have chosen to learn to play the Guzheng. I realize that in middle school, my biggest regret was not learning how to play an instrument, specifically the violin. I think I like the piano better but the violin was the only one offered. Not only is the Guzheng like the violin and the piano combined, but it sounds so much better. Cao yin also known as Thao only plucked a few strings and I was hooked. It costs 1600 RMB. I don't know how much that is in American dollars (divide by 7.53) but it is so amazing. I can't wait to bring it home and teach my future kids how to play it.

Right after my exam , I immediately hopped on a bus after avoiding a shit load of traffic to go to the Decathalon store. I bought two really nice $3 badminton rackets. After playing Yu mao qiu with a friend for a hour, we ended up looking like someone pushed us into a pool. Why? Because air conditioning doesn't exist in Hangzhou (with the exception of our dormitory).

I am starting to wonder about my roommate's life. She's really nice but I know nothing about her. Yesterday was the second time she brought a guy friend over to do her homework. Maybe I am misunderstanding her because of the words she uses in Chinese, because she told me the only guan xi she has with him is that he is from her class. This morning two of my friends asked me about something red on her neck. Trying to describe it is funny in chinese, seriously because you use really basic words, like below her head looks red. Last night she bought me octopus to eat. She says its a local favorite. All I could remember were the overt suction cups.

I started to think about what its like to be a liu xue sheng. To me, liu xue sheng and international student have different connations. For one, liu xue sheng means study abroad and international student sounds like I am an outsider. I am but I think the chinese word makes me feel more accepted. I am still getting used to looking at people who wear fake name brand clothing with thick bangs or Jay Chou lookalikes. Seriously every guy who has served as my waiter had a Jay Chou haircut. Wanglehom is on my Wahaha water bottles. I miss karaoking with Frankie. Everytime I think of singing, I think of Frankie. The only songs I'm allowed to sing under the language pledge are Chinese. Its ok because I did that in the states anyway.

My immune system is kind of gay. Everytime I eat something I need to diarrhea. There are exceptions. Packaged foods don't cause me to lose control of my bowels but everything else in China seems to have an adverse effect on my digestive system. What the hey.

Judy's birthday passed on July 10th. I remembered it because that was all I could think about. I don't know if I miss my family, only I hate talking about it. My teachers should stop delving into my personal life.

Tomorrow I am going to Jiangsu with my roommate, Thao, a Shanghai person, and her roommate. We are going to the Changsu district (I think that's the chinese transaction). She has a family friend from Jiangsu. Si wen wants to go and doesn't want to go. He just can't make up his mind. My roommate thought it would be weird since he would be the only guy, dan shi wo bu zai hu. I had every intention to go to Beijing, only that this week's activity required us to take our roommate along. Beijing is 10 hours away by train and about 2 hours by plane. My mom said she bought a really cheap Qipao for only $15. Jia you ma ma!

I've become really dark. Like Nick dark. My sunscreen isn't too effective, but my umbrella is amazing. I really blend it with an umbrella. I like the utilitarian effect, but since most people who use it are girls, it is a psychological need as well. But man, my color has changed.

The mosquitoes here are amazingly small. Like they bite you and you don't notice it. But the ones at the tu shu guan (library) are huge. I know because I ended up scratching those mosquito bites for days.

I think I'm starting to forget what I normally do in America. Everything seems so normal nowadays. Like my morning cereal is actually crumbs in a bag that you put with hot water. My lunch is like "cha gui diao" (a Chaozhou dish or a Cambodian dish), only better because of the presentation. My dinner is something that looks good that probably isn't good for my health. I know the next day. If it looks too good, it probably isn't good for you. Oh another thing that is different is the time I eat. I eat at 7 in the morning, 12 noon, and a 4:30 dinner. That's pretty much it, unless you want pockey sticks as a midnight snack.

I want to go karaoke. The cheapest time is 12 midnight to 6 in the morning. I don't know if I have the strength but it seems like a worthwhile experience.

I really like everyone in my program, not like Governor's school. The difference between this and governor's school is that we had no homework back then, we just met CEOs, mudwrestled, and took dance lessons. I like everyone in the sense that people are passionate about the chinese culture, and at some point had chosen a less practical path of a Chinese major as opposed to a former engineer major. I think they live very fulfilling lives because after college, they have chosen a "I do what I want to do" kind of path, and no one can stop them.

It's an interesting experience when people get really excited because you are of Chinese descent. I say I'm Chaozhou, they say wow, so you are a Chinese person! I mean I'm American, but just to know a dialect of a surrounding province gains me acceptance. I think that is my edge. Also that I play Badminton. I went out to buy hair accessories, and asked the lady if I could bargain, she says offer a price. I wasn't really good, but she was ok with me taking my time to decide. Then she asked me why did I ask if I could bargain, I said cuz I am a foreigner. She said she couldn't see it. I think I am starting to blend in more. People have joked that one day I would marry a Chinese person. I used to vehemently deny it, now its just wu suo wei.

I miss work, Abhi, Kuong, Derek, Frankie. Experiencing a new culture has been a worthwhile experience. It feels like a displacement. It's so surreal but life continues and I just learn to navigate different scenarios day by day. At heart, I am definitely chinese. Even Si wen, and he's Caucasian. Getting ass kicked by local Badminton players, learning to use chopsticks to eat everything, enjoying a developing province's scenary, the whole she bang. I can't imagine living here because of the fewer opportunities to earn money because of the competitive nature of the living, but I can imagine coming back in the future and retiring at Hangzhou's Xihu.

What I have learned this week:
Chinese New Conception
A Superficial based on appearance Economic World
The Cellphone Revolution
Striking Down Porno in China

Awesome!

I spoke to my parents in Mandarin today. I think they are really proud of my improvement within the past week.

Where is the pirated version of Harry Potter? It should be here right now!